What A Week...

Sunday 14th March was Mothers Day... it wasnt so bad, i wasnt sad too much because obviously i lost my baby on the 26th of feb.. so i spent the day with my other half, his 2 kids and his mate.. was lovely, had a fun filled day with laughs and giggles from the kids..
it wasnt until between 11pm and 12am that i started to get severe pains in my side and i felt sick and dizzy.. i went to the loo thinking it was stomach upset.. nothing so i had a bath to try and ease off the pain abit, fell asleep in the bath a couple of times and also took some soluable paracetamol to ease off some of the pain..
went to bed but i couldnt get comfortable due to the pain, eventually i'd fall asleep only to wake up 20-30mins later in agony, it was like it for 4 hours, in the end i gave in and i sat where i felt comfortable (on the toilet :|...) i sat there from 4am to 8am when i got the other half up as i read up on information from IBS & Ectopic Pregnancy... and it turned out the pain i was feeling was my ectopic pregnancy...
i got hold of my mum, told her what was going on an she said to ring ambulence but i wasnt so sure incase i was being bit whats the word... hypocondriact (not sure if spelt right)
but in the end mum was right, and i gave in and got my other half call me an ambulence, so i was rushed off to hospital on the Monday 15th... i ended up being put on morphine and a drip thing and had to wait around ages for something to be done - as usual lol
i had my emergancy operation at half 3 in the afternoon, i was told that i lost 1 litre of blood and i almost died and could had suffered a heart attack...
i came round and was put on the ward around 730pm
i had:
Mum, Dad, Becci (my sister) Alan (becci's boyfriend) & my Uncle Andy waiting for me.. my other half couldnt be there as he still had his son and he had no way of getting to chi.
i spent few days in hospital.. was awful!
i had to use Bed Pans & portable toilets before i could get myself to the bathroom... lol
I came home on the wednesday afternoon with co-codymol, other type pain killers and iron tablets inlcuding a nice big bottle of lactulose! lol
have been spending time at home with my mum, pretty much sleeping on and off... and my other half came to see me at home twice..

at the moment i am focusing on sorting myself out, psyically - as i need to be strong enough to get through this before i get too emotional!

i have a gone too soon page up on the internet
http://baby-osman-hoad.gonetoosoon.org/

i had to update it, as i assumed i had lost it on the 26th feb when i had my termination injection of the methotrexate drug.

I am not in so much pain anymore, more discomfort and achey type feelings.. so i am just relaxing and trying to get myself better =)
i got the help of my Mum, Brother &a Sister oh and not to forget my other half Tim ;) hehe

I have not heard much in way of friends, or family.. had no visitors other than:
Uncle Andy - Mum - Dad - Becci - Alan - my other half Tim -Angela - Ant (my cousin) - this was in hospital
at home i am with Mum - Becci - Dan
My other half Tim & Alan & Kev are the only 3 people who have visited me at home! =(

Thank God Its Friday...

Ok well many not "Thank god its friday" but still.. its a different day, right!?

I am slowly getting there after my bad day i had the other day..
Today it has now been 2 weeks since i had the termination.. and i still sit here and think how on earth have i manged to go through it and cope with the last 2 weeks..!?
Still.. i will get some money again soooooonies and i will get to do bit more, may even think about making something for my now angel in heaven in the garden hehe

I missed my blood tests yesterday due to no moneys! :( and my dad didnt get in touch when apparently he was in Barnham Trading Post but didnt bother to let me know he could help me.. bit disappointed to be honest.. but what can you do!?

Spent the last few days indoors, not hiding, but staying as i have been out alot over the last 2 weeks.. but i also staying in due to no funds... so either way it had to be done *boohoo*

Fun.. Fun.. Fun...

Today after spending the day in bed being ill.. i went out with my other half and his kids! :)

was kinda nice actually.. but have to admit it bit hard, when they not my own! i felt bit sad today because although its good "practise" they aint mine.. and well watching them all 'playfight' etc. it kinda makes me sad because i feel bit like outcast.. probs silly.. just i wish i had a child who wanna play with me.. one of his kids aint too bad... i was getting hugs from one of them and spent the day playing with her.. and pushing around in pushchair..!
I did get some picture's as did my other half and done some funny videos that was cool.. :)

still.. to end this day i got a phone call from the Hospital telling me that they would like me to go back on the 11th for my last (possible final) blood test... just to make sure that my hormone levels go back to normal and there was no problems with my results which means i dont have to have another Injection for the termination because it has done what it was meant to do.. so thats kinda good i guess.

The Trouble Is..

... I Just Cant Bloody Sleeps!

I thought i was doing ok when i fell asleep pretty quick last night around 12am.. until i kept waking in the night and drinking exessivly.. normally i dont bother with drinking especially at night, but for some reason all i keep doing is drinking drinking and drinking! lol
i dunno what it is thats doing this, i feel like i have heartburn alot...?

Not sure if it is the drug i have in my system from the termination i had to recieve.. well start on the 26th of feb i dunno!

Sunday Sunday Sunday...

Ok, WHY is it that Sundays are always the worst and boring day of the week!? and how is it that we always seem to know when its sunday...?
is it because i have no life that i find it extremely irratating...?
is is because i have my bus ticket but cant go far due to the buses stopping at half 6...?
or is is it just because i cant find anything to do!?

...god i seem really sad!? lol

I mean i thought it would had been nice, to relax today, the other half has gone out.. but i absolutely hate it!!
i feel the time has gone by so slowly and its just so depressing... let alone being down in the dumps about my ectopic pregnancy i had terminated on 26th...!
although today i have actually thought about how things would be different and wondered what they would be like if i hadnt had an ectopic pregnancy... thinking stuff like
...watching my belly grow
...seeing it on the screen for scans
...listening to its heartbeat
etc.. all this i long to have and witness for myself! and i really wish that this time was MY time... except now i have to wait at least 3 months to be able to start and try again, well thats if my body will enable me to have another baby :(
...i really hope it does!!