Today marks the 10th year that I lost my baby through an Ectopic Pregnancy. I have wrote about this in the past on here but I also write more to my other blog that I started when I first had the methotrexate injection to terminate the pregnancy in hopes to save my tube. Unfortunately this was not the case and within 2 weeks my tube had ruptured so I then lost both the baby and my tube.
This pregnancy and baby was very much wanted. I have always wanted to be a mum and have a family of my own and it is a shame that it ended in the way it did. I don't think that it helped with the hospital being unsure as I was first treated as a suspected miscarriage at first. Then I was in and out of hospital for blood tests, scans and examinations. They also believed that during one of my blood tests they felt the baby could be a normal pregnancy because of the way the hormone levels had grown within 48 hours. But I kept having scans and bloods done and the fact the baby was still growing but they couldn't see it that is when they decided that it was an ectopic pregnancy and which is why I opted to have an injection which is called Methotrexate to stop the pregnancy from growing as I did not want to have surgery there and then. I just didn't know that it was going to continue growing as I was unable to get to have my last blood test done as I kept paying out for bus tickets to go back and forth to the hospital and no one could take me and I was having issues with an idiot contacting me solidly that I ended up ignoring ALL the unknown numbers and not knowing that one of them was actually the hospital until a few days later when I had credit to check my answerphone and that wasn't until I had ended up in hospital this day 10 years ago.
I do not remember much of this day but that is because it all happened so fast and I did not have time to process the situation. I mean I know what happened because I remember having to get another ambulance to the hospital by myself as I was in so much pain and had no way of getting to the hospital but my mum had met me there. I remember bits of what happened when I first got there and having a nurse kinda shrugging it off thinking that it was just a urine infection or something and then when I was seen by a doctor he was really mean to me. I remember him asking me to lay down but kept saying I couldn't and then he tried to force me to lay down and I got upset because it hurt that much not long after that my gynecologist came down to do an inspection and realized what was going on and I was given morphine for the pain and plugged up to machines. I had to wait in A&E for a while before I eventually got taken up to the wards which is when they did a emergency scan to see what was going on and within 30mins of being put on the ward I was taken straight away to theater.
To this day I still don't fully know or understand what actually happened that day. When I got brought round I remember my mum, dad, sister & her bf at the time and my uncle being there when I woke up. I wasn't quite with it when I came round as was groggy and still sleepy. I had doctors come round to see me but the one I do remember is someone coming in to ask what they was meant to do with my baby because they couldn't find the paperwork I had signed but I didn't question it I just said I filled loads of paperwork in but didn't know what it was as I was rushed off so quickly.
The next day my mum and sister came to see me and so did my boyfriend at the time which was good.. My dad came to see me in the evening and brought one of my cousins with me as no other family members wanted to come and see me. My brother was in Bristol with his girlfriend at the time but he still kept in touch and I saw him when he came back. I also remember being on a ward with a few older ladies. One of the younger ladies who was also on the ward was leaving the day after I had the surgery and she gave me her remaining days of telly that she had brought so I could still watch tv during day/evening which was really lovely of her. I stayed in from the 15th to the 18th or 19th March. Wasn't fun I ended up going home with my mum for a week and my boyfriend at the time came over to see me few times and even went back to him after the week I spent at home.
I remember my first shower at home I had to get my mum to help me as I couldn't get my incisions wet. That was a task and a half lol especially where the downstairs bathroom was so small but she helped me. Although she did scare me when it came to taking off my bandages as one of the incisions looked infected so I had to go to my doctors for a check up so I could hand in my discharge letter at the same time. I also had to book myself back in there for more blood tests to check and make sure everything went back to "normal" meaning my hormone and my iron levels etc as I had lost a lot of blood so I had to have a blood transfusion which I didn't realise till after.
I have been told that I can have access to my hospital records if I wanted too but they also have the right to refuse the access if you have mental health issues. And where I have BPD, depression and anxiety issues I don't think they'd allow me to know anything I am not sure I haven't looked into it since I last tried to look into this.
Recently I went to the doctors for issues with my periods again and I mentioned that I had my left fallopian tube removed via laparoscopic operation and she asked if they saw anything then and I said I did not know as it never got mentioned and she checked the discharge letter that I was given to take to my doctor and she said that it was very vague and only states that they removed my left fallopian tube that was it. I am not sure if the doctors have access to my hospital records I never thought of asking until now *doh* but it is something that I need to address and I think it's time I found out the truth and learn what happened properly.
I feel a little disappointed that not many people have remembered or even mentioned it since. I have been through my memories on facebook and there was quite few people who used to message me or comment on my wall to let me know they was thinking about me without being reminded. The only 2 people who have contacted me off their own backs was my mum she text me yesterday to see how I was doing and will be popping in but not sure when I am waiting to hear. The 2nd person is my best friend who has only been in my life for around 8 years give or take but the friends who have been in my life a lot longer haven't bothered to check up on me.
But perhaps that is my own fault for not continuing to talk about it I'm not sure. I just know that not everyone wants to know or read about it because as people used to say to me that everyone goes through it but I have to admit I was told "everyone goes through it" but the issue I have is that I still don't know anyone who has gone through it because it is fairly rare compared to the other pregnancy losses. I am in different groups on facebook to do with ectopic pregnancy but I don't know any of them.
If you want to read more about what I have been through then please head on over to Life After My Ectopic Pregnancy. (link opens in new window)
Showing posts with label blood tests. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blood tests. Show all posts
Sunday, March 15
Wednesday, October 31
Been An Awful Couple Of Weeks...
It's been an awful 3-4 week! I came down with a cold and it's only just gone.. I haven't been that unwell in quite a while and I ended up having to spend an evening down A&E on 22nd October because I found that I was struggling with breathing and I had heart palpitations and was really worried about. My bestie's dad told her to put her smart watch on me to check my heart rate and found that my heart rate was sitting between 115 and 125 which isn't right so rung 111 to talk to someone on there and I waited for a nurse to ring me back who said I should go to A&E as I would need an ECG to check my heart and she thought it sounded like a chest infection but they would be able to deal with me better.
My bestie took me to hospital and had to have my blood pressure checked and noticed that I spiked up to 135 so I got taken round to the bays and was asked to get on the bed and take my top and bra off so I could have an ECG done. Once I had that done the nurse said a dr would be round to see me. I wasn't expecting him to come round so quick. He took my temperature as I felt really hot and was sweating. He then asked if I had been to the toilet, eaten or drank anything that day and I admitted I hadn't as I wasn't hungry nor thirsty and hadn't been to the toilet when I woke up that morning which meant that I was then dehydrated from not eating or drinking properly since I hadn't been feeling well. After he took my temperature he said I needed to have some blood tests to find out whats going on so he came back put a cannula in and took my bloods and within 10 mins of him going off once he had done a nurse came to put some fluids in me and then a lady came to take me down to X-Ray turned out he had booked me in for a chest x-ray and I didn't know.
When I got down to X-Ray he asked me to stand against the machine and within 5 mins it was all done. I have had X-Rays done before. I had one years ago on my nose because I was hit in the nose with a hockey stick! Had others done on my knees as I am knocked kneed (means my ankles don't go together) and I used to have them done on my teeth when I saw an orthodontist as one of my teeth grew along the top of my 2 front teeth so I ended up having it removed.
Got wheeled back round to the bay I was sitting in and waited for my results.
Took about half an hour or more or so I would say and dr came back and said that my blood tests show I am fighting an infection or 2 and my x-rays showed a shadow of some kind on my left lung and said that it looks like the start of a chest infection!
With that he went off got my antibiotics and came back and took the cannula out and said I was able to go home :)
After a weeks worth of antibiotics and having an upset stomach over the last 3-4 days I have finished them and I am starting to feel a lot better. Still bit bunged up in places and coughing every so often but otherwise I am slowly starting to feel a bit more like myself
My bestie took me to hospital and had to have my blood pressure checked and noticed that I spiked up to 135 so I got taken round to the bays and was asked to get on the bed and take my top and bra off so I could have an ECG done. Once I had that done the nurse said a dr would be round to see me. I wasn't expecting him to come round so quick. He took my temperature as I felt really hot and was sweating. He then asked if I had been to the toilet, eaten or drank anything that day and I admitted I hadn't as I wasn't hungry nor thirsty and hadn't been to the toilet when I woke up that morning which meant that I was then dehydrated from not eating or drinking properly since I hadn't been feeling well. After he took my temperature he said I needed to have some blood tests to find out whats going on so he came back put a cannula in and took my bloods and within 10 mins of him going off once he had done a nurse came to put some fluids in me and then a lady came to take me down to X-Ray turned out he had booked me in for a chest x-ray and I didn't know.
When I got down to X-Ray he asked me to stand against the machine and within 5 mins it was all done. I have had X-Rays done before. I had one years ago on my nose because I was hit in the nose with a hockey stick! Had others done on my knees as I am knocked kneed (means my ankles don't go together) and I used to have them done on my teeth when I saw an orthodontist as one of my teeth grew along the top of my 2 front teeth so I ended up having it removed.
Got wheeled back round to the bay I was sitting in and waited for my results.
Took about half an hour or more or so I would say and dr came back and said that my blood tests show I am fighting an infection or 2 and my x-rays showed a shadow of some kind on my left lung and said that it looks like the start of a chest infection!
With that he went off got my antibiotics and came back and took the cannula out and said I was able to go home :)
After a weeks worth of antibiotics and having an upset stomach over the last 3-4 days I have finished them and I am starting to feel a lot better. Still bit bunged up in places and coughing every so often but otherwise I am slowly starting to feel a bit more like myself
Saturday, April 24
It's Such A Perfect Day...
And i am glad i am feeling so much better than i did yesterday!!!
Yesterday i had a god awful headache and i was sick aswel.. NO fun!
I have not got much to update, except i am feeling bit down in the dumps and bit annoyed about 'Pathways' which is this course thing i HAVE to do on ESA - I emailed the woman i saw to let her know what was going on with Ectopic Pregnancy when i first had the injections on the 26th Feb, and i never had a response, i believe the only letter i had was telling me i missed it - and i am sure i never had another appointment gave to me? or even if i did i wouldnt had got it on time, or i was in hospital.. it wasnt my fault. i told her at the time i prefered to be contacted via email or text - there was nothing stopping her telling me there was a letter on the way, or even better send me a copy of the bloody letter via email!
and yet I am now in trouble (i think) for it but i have no idea why.. i had my money stopped for about 2 months between feb & 2 weeks ago and i assumed that i was on the appeal and that i wasnt being seen etc. or i wasnt involved in pathways no more as i never heard from the woman again despite emailing her.. and then out of the blue i find out she has been ringing me and i bloody missed 'em because they've rung me up on with held (which i dont answer thanks to a complete idiot you know who you are) or my phone was off because again of the idiot!
I just dont understand why all this crap happens to me, nothing is ever easy, nothing is ever simple anymore! and i had gone onto ESA for extra support into getting me back into work safely after the problems i have had over the years with people & my mental health.. and yet after the phone call with her yesterday i felt kinda upset, and disapointed when i tried to explain what had happened i had the attitude:
"well its not me its effecting"
..I mean talk about bloody rude! she knew i have my phone on silent because its easier for me, and she knew i rather be texted than phoned or emailed - so why did she choose to ignore me and ring my mobile instead, i will never know!
Still.. least i got my sick note sent in, i just dont have a clue whatsoever on what to do about her and the course anymore!
I am still waiting to find out if i am gonna be able to get on to this STEPPS programme with the Bedale Centre which is a course enabled for people in need of better coping mechanisms etc.
But then again i have not actually seen him since poss beginning Feb...?
- again that was due to the Ectopic Pregnancy and being in and out of hospital for Blood Tests, Scans, Examinations etc.
Still.. only time will tell i guess..
Monday, March 29
Its Been 2 Weeks..
Since my operation and suprisingly i am OK - which is strange when i have seen loads of people on various Ectopic Pregnancy groups on facebook...
But all i can say about that is i guess i had no choice in the matter, i was told if i didnt have the methotrexate injection then it would end in complications but due to the endless amounts of calls from some idiot i ignored the hospital & doctors whom was trying to ring me to have my blood test done to work out if i need the second injection - which is then what lead me up into my tube rupturing and having to have that removed along with the 12w fetus growing there..
I guess i kinda feel angry, as it could had been avoided - but in some ways i am relieved incase it had happened again and it was in the left again - but i would had never known that my tube was damaged (to which i still am not aware what from) i just feel kind of mixed up - maybe the reason why i have been "ok" is because i am putting a front on so people cant see what i am really going through, because i sure as hell know no one on my facebook is really interested in whats going on or whats happened... including some of my family!
But now, after keeping this page for the last 4/5 months i am now in threat to remove it because some idiot knows what i wrote about her - but thing is, everything i have said is true! and now im being told that she is going to do the same to me "to see how i like it" - thing is i aint really done anything wrong to her, all she knows is the stuff that Tim has told her over the last 2 years - so all she is going to do is gain attention for something that really isnt true - so if you are reading this:
*then good luck to you, i dont much care! because i know what i really am and what i have done, and well good luck to you because at end of the day all you have is very little truth and very little on the facts! *
I just dont understand how some person can be adamant to ruin someones life, if i had left then what would happen - nothing, either that or got her own way to shut her up as goes on and on despite having pretty much told for the last 3 months she is not longer wanted....!!!
anyway enough of the little mental person - i am not going to let IT ruin my life anymore, she has done enough damage the last 2 years!
.... I really need to focus on me, or at least my family as we are still being ripped to shreads..
why does something that seems to be OK for so many years end up with everything shattered...?
its hardly fair anymore
Friday, March 12
Thank God Its Friday...
Ok well many not "Thank god its friday" but still.. its a different day, right!?
I am slowly getting there after my bad day i had the other day..
Today it has now been 2 weeks since i had the termination.. and i still sit here and think how on earth have i manged to go through it and cope with the last 2 weeks..!?
Still.. i will get some money again soooooonies and i will get to do bit more, may even think about making something for my now angel in heaven in the garden hehe
I missed my blood tests yesterday due to no moneys! :( and my dad didnt get in touch when apparently he was in Barnham Trading Post but didnt bother to let me know he could help me.. bit disappointed to be honest.. but what can you do!?
Spent the last few days indoors, not hiding, but staying as i have been out alot over the last 2 weeks.. but i also staying in due to no funds... so either way it had to be done *boohoo*
I am slowly getting there after my bad day i had the other day..
Today it has now been 2 weeks since i had the termination.. and i still sit here and think how on earth have i manged to go through it and cope with the last 2 weeks..!?
Still.. i will get some money again soooooonies and i will get to do bit more, may even think about making something for my now angel in heaven in the garden hehe
I missed my blood tests yesterday due to no moneys! :( and my dad didnt get in touch when apparently he was in Barnham Trading Post but didnt bother to let me know he could help me.. bit disappointed to be honest.. but what can you do!?
Spent the last few days indoors, not hiding, but staying as i have been out alot over the last 2 weeks.. but i also staying in due to no funds... so either way it had to be done *boohoo*
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