Today marks the 10th year that I lost my baby through an Ectopic Pregnancy. I have wrote about this in the past on here but I also write more to my other blog that I started when I first had the methotrexate injection to terminate the pregnancy in hopes to save my tube. Unfortunately this was not the case and within 2 weeks my tube had ruptured so I then lost both the baby and my tube.
This pregnancy and baby was very much wanted. I have always wanted to be a mum and have a family of my own and it is a shame that it ended in the way it did. I don't think that it helped with the hospital being unsure as I was first treated as a suspected miscarriage at first. Then I was in and out of hospital for blood tests, scans and examinations. They also believed that during one of my blood tests they felt the baby could be a normal pregnancy because of the way the hormone levels had grown within 48 hours. But I kept having scans and bloods done and the fact the baby was still growing but they couldn't see it that is when they decided that it was an ectopic pregnancy and which is why I opted to have an injection which is called Methotrexate to stop the pregnancy from growing as I did not want to have surgery there and then. I just didn't know that it was going to continue growing as I was unable to get to have my last blood test done as I kept paying out for bus tickets to go back and forth to the hospital and no one could take me and I was having issues with an idiot contacting me solidly that I ended up ignoring ALL the unknown numbers and not knowing that one of them was actually the hospital until a few days later when I had credit to check my answerphone and that wasn't until I had ended up in hospital this day 10 years ago.
I do not remember much of this day but that is because it all happened so fast and I did not have time to process the situation. I mean I know what happened because I remember having to get another ambulance to the hospital by myself as I was in so much pain and had no way of getting to the hospital but my mum had met me there. I remember bits of what happened when I first got there and having a nurse kinda shrugging it off thinking that it was just a urine infection or something and then when I was seen by a doctor he was really mean to me. I remember him asking me to lay down but kept saying I couldn't and then he tried to force me to lay down and I got upset because it hurt that much not long after that my gynecologist came down to do an inspection and realized what was going on and I was given morphine for the pain and plugged up to machines. I had to wait in A&E for a while before I eventually got taken up to the wards which is when they did a emergency scan to see what was going on and within 30mins of being put on the ward I was taken straight away to theater.
To this day I still don't fully know or understand what actually happened that day. When I got brought round I remember my mum, dad, sister & her bf at the time and my uncle being there when I woke up. I wasn't quite with it when I came round as was groggy and still sleepy. I had doctors come round to see me but the one I do remember is someone coming in to ask what they was meant to do with my baby because they couldn't find the paperwork I had signed but I didn't question it I just said I filled loads of paperwork in but didn't know what it was as I was rushed off so quickly.
The next day my mum and sister came to see me and so did my boyfriend at the time which was good.. My dad came to see me in the evening and brought one of my cousins with me as no other family members wanted to come and see me. My brother was in Bristol with his girlfriend at the time but he still kept in touch and I saw him when he came back. I also remember being on a ward with a few older ladies. One of the younger ladies who was also on the ward was leaving the day after I had the surgery and she gave me her remaining days of telly that she had brought so I could still watch tv during day/evening which was really lovely of her. I stayed in from the 15th to the 18th or 19th March. Wasn't fun I ended up going home with my mum for a week and my boyfriend at the time came over to see me few times and even went back to him after the week I spent at home.
I remember my first shower at home I had to get my mum to help me as I couldn't get my incisions wet. That was a task and a half lol especially where the downstairs bathroom was so small but she helped me. Although she did scare me when it came to taking off my bandages as one of the incisions looked infected so I had to go to my doctors for a check up so I could hand in my discharge letter at the same time. I also had to book myself back in there for more blood tests to check and make sure everything went back to "normal" meaning my hormone and my iron levels etc as I had lost a lot of blood so I had to have a blood transfusion which I didn't realise till after.
I have been told that I can have access to my hospital records if I wanted too but they also have the right to refuse the access if you have mental health issues. And where I have BPD, depression and anxiety issues I don't think they'd allow me to know anything I am not sure I haven't looked into it since I last tried to look into this.
Recently I went to the doctors for issues with my periods again and I mentioned that I had my left fallopian tube removed via laparoscopic operation and she asked if they saw anything then and I said I did not know as it never got mentioned and she checked the discharge letter that I was given to take to my doctor and she said that it was very vague and only states that they removed my left fallopian tube that was it. I am not sure if the doctors have access to my hospital records I never thought of asking until now *doh* but it is something that I need to address and I think it's time I found out the truth and learn what happened properly.
I feel a little disappointed that not many people have remembered or even mentioned it since. I have been through my memories on facebook and there was quite few people who used to message me or comment on my wall to let me know they was thinking about me without being reminded. The only 2 people who have contacted me off their own backs was my mum she text me yesterday to see how I was doing and will be popping in but not sure when I am waiting to hear. The 2nd person is my best friend who has only been in my life for around 8 years give or take but the friends who have been in my life a lot longer haven't bothered to check up on me.
But perhaps that is my own fault for not continuing to talk about it I'm not sure. I just know that not everyone wants to know or read about it because as people used to say to me that everyone goes through it but I have to admit I was told "everyone goes through it" but the issue I have is that I still don't know anyone who has gone through it because it is fairly rare compared to the other pregnancy losses. I am in different groups on facebook to do with ectopic pregnancy but I don't know any of them.
If you want to read more about what I have been through then please head on over to Life After My Ectopic Pregnancy. (link opens in new window)
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