26th November..

well today was my little brothers 17th birthday, its scary really, i mean he is a grown up, he aint my little brother whom my sister and i used to dress up in girls clothes, attempt put make up on him, and put mums bras on him which we then filled up with socks lol those were the days..

i am quite proud of him having a good time, despite our father doing a disapearing act on us and not bothering with us kids much, yeah ok we are all over 16 now so we aint really kids, but no matter how old you get you still require a father, someone to be there for you! so well done for my little brother to stay strong and not let it get to him!

at this birthday tea we had my mum had organised it all, she invited - our sister, Becci her boyfriend Alan, our cousin Amy with her daughter Summer and then of course myself and our mother! it was a lovely evening we had some laughs, and some tears and some moaning *lol* mainly about dad - but that i guess was to be expected?

we took a few pictures, but i doubt my dad will see them as he is never really online much, but hey i guess at the end of the day he is the one missing out, not us, but still i kinda wish he was there whereas in others i do not - strange situation i guess.

i havent been toooo bad today i guess, i have had a few outbursts but that will be due to not taking my tablets until late but i tried hard to hold it together for my brother, even if i did have a breakdown before i left and was very panicky at the start..! strange i am really..

 the rains came down again tonight, pretty hard and there was massive flashes of lightning and really really loud bangs of thunder it was awful the whole house shook up and it felt like the ceilings was gonna cave bcoz it was so loud and close very scarey!

i not big fan of storms and tonight had just made me very shakey and nervous!