the thoughts of christmas..

well the thoughts of christmas are very slowly catching up with me.
I was sitting in the lounge the other night thinking, why aint the decs up - every other house is done, and they have been decorating for xmas during November! so i wonder when someone put them up!?
...then i realised that yesterday was 9th december, our traditions as a family since 1992 was, every year on the 9th december the decs went up, because thats when our brother come home from the hosptial, as he was 5 weeks prem. they bought him home that day and the decs were put up from him to come to 'christmas' as in a way it was his first christmas.. so since this day in 92 the decs went up... except now what with dad spending more time in Reading with his little GIRLfriend.. he hasnt bothered with us, or the house - despite the toilet actually leaking - he didnt bother to fix and left it. if only he would see that he has changed and realise he is being a wanker then things might be better, but because he doesnt think about us, its all bout the 16 year old me, and my brother and sister and the house are getting pushed aside..
so i was thinking again last night that - oh god the decs should be up by now - and they wasnt, still arent now! really, this christmas is going to be really really crap and there is just going to be:
me, mum and my brother i bet! my sister will be there for a while as she will then spend some of the day with her boyfriend and his boyfriends mum (it will be the first xmas with out alans dad - so going to be tough on them this year bless them!) - on the other hand we could get invited elsewhere - but then what would we do, leave mum all on her own for christmas, or stay with her at christmas and it being quiet - with us all on our laptops and computers ignoring each other, as christmas will be just an ordinary day in our house due to the problems etc that are arrising each day!!
maybe i wish things were the same, maybe i wish they wasnt! but at least mum n dad are happier without being together is the main thing, just now, we have to see what will happen with the house, as i have a feeling once it is fixed and done up properly, will they then sell it, split the money and one will go one way and one will go the other - its a shame really.. i mean they did this to us when i was what, 12 and moved me out of the first house, and now 10 years on they are doing it again!!!
i really am gonna feel so sorry for my brother to be honest, as he is gonna end up having to choose in some respects .. but i guess he prob stay with mum seen as how he is rude and off with him lol mind you dad has now turned into a wanker - and to be honest i wish he would bloody see this because i am sick to death of the way he treats this little girl and doesnt treat us - NOT FAIR YOU HEAR!?
..well he aint gonna read because he aint interested!