Saturday, July 28

Things That Make You Wonder .... "WHY"

Over the last few days, I have been finding various things out, and I don't like what I see..
I run graphics through a friend page on Facebook, and over the last few months I have come to meet some nice people, some not so nice.
Worst thing is, the not so nice things come from someone whom you classed as a 'friend'
Everyone has their opinions, I am not saying they don't, but surely if you had a problem with someone you would therefore explain it to someone to hope to solve the differences or just brush it off and ignore it because you know full well that saying something would cause drama.. Or so you think!
I've been hurt and distraught over people taking advantage of me, and reporting me for silly little things left right and centre, but never did I expect to see it come from someone whom you class as a friend..
1st problem - made a graphic to print, laminate & post - which I did, but then claimed never got it and then set a month long problem with PayPal.. Got their refund & their graphic *sigh*
2nd problem - made a timeline cover & display picture to help out a 'friend' for free - stole my design stuck them onto t-shirts and sold them *sigh*
3rd problem - a 'friend' criticise my work, wrote how they wanted to hurt me, and blocked me from seeing everything on their page - god knows why :\ and now I think I've fallen out with my friend over it..
This is the 3rd thing to go wrong since doing my graphics, all in the space of months! Something is starting to tell me that maybe I am wasting my time and efforts in doing what I am doing, and I should just give up..
Another part of me is telling myself to not give up and let these people win, because there are people out there whom have come forward and told me how my work has helped them grieve and so much more..
I don't want to let people down, but I don't want people criticising me and being generally rude for no reason at all.. I've never criticised them or their work, and I have been doing what I do for the last 7 years, not to mention the 2 year gap! But I still designed websites for friends..
Really wish I knew what gave people the idea to say things like this, especially to fellow designers and friends!!

I get a lot of my inspiration from other graphics.. I look at them and think
" ohh wow I like that, I wonder if I can do it too "
And so I try, sometimes I fail, sometimes I don't..

Its not my fault a lot of the scrap kits are free to download, some are to purchase.. Not to mention having over 1000 of tubes!
All my work I do in Paintshop Pro X2 and I love it and love using it.. I am always learning new things.

Friday, July 20

People Make Me Laugh..

Talk about pathetic..

WHY do people dictate to others what they can and cant do.. I mean, I know someone who thinks they can dictate to others what they should do, just so that they can get what they want??

" Tell her to go out so I can come round "
" Throw her out so I can come and stay "
" Pack a bag you aren't wanted "
" Why are you there, he doesn't want you "
" Get out of the house or I will sort you out "

There are so many statements that I could list, but cant because there are far too many stupid comments that people have let slip through their mouths.
What do these people think, or expect to gain from this!? Do they REALLY think they can get their own way just because they want what someone else has got, perhaps?

But it does just go to show how two faced some people can be, they will be nice as pie to your face then in a split second could be stabbing you in the back within minutes..
It does just go to show that not many people can be trusted, and people do tend to take advantage of you and your kind nature.

If you are seeing this post and realised that you are the one whom made these statements - think again before trying to stir up trouble.. IDIOT!!

Rant Over!

Thursday, July 19

I Am Going To Be An Aunty..

Today I am HAPPY & PROUD to {FINALLY} announce that my Sister whom is 23 is pregnant with her first baby!!
Today (19th July 2012) she found out she is exactly 12 weeks, baby is perfect and healthy and I get to see pictures when she isn't working.. I am so happy & excited, I get to be an Aunty!!!

My sister is due 27th January 2013 which means that 2013 will start off amazing with my sister having a baby!!

I cannot wait to see the scan's of my Niece/Nephew


Sunday, July 8

What A Week..

I had an hospital appointment on the Tuesday (3rd July) because I had an abnormal smear result come back end of May..
Being in the Gyny block which is now where the Mother & Baby Block is, felt so uncomfortable.. Especially since they've now moved the EPU (Early Pregnancy Unit) which is where I spent a lot of my time when I had my Ectopic.
Seeing all the ladies with beautiful bumps, big and small made me feel empty and sad.. I couldn't help but think:
When is it MY turn..??
I wonder if I looked liked that..??
If Billie was in the right place, would I have a nice bump..??
It kind of bought so many memories of sitting patiently waiting for my scan, and then waiting to see a doctor about the scans, and then seeing all these happy people come out from the scanning room with their images of their babies... It was just very overwhelming.

Even through the Colposcopy I had to check my cervix was heart breaking.. Very scary I had to go in by myself.. Came out of it sore and miserable.. And also came out with an appointment to go back to have a pre-op and to be put under a general anaesthetic because I couldn't have the treatment done that day.
I went away feeling weird, worried and confused.. Had some lunch with my brother but I wasn't in the right frame of mind for anything so I was pretty quiet..

Had a phone call Wednesday to be told that they want me to go in Thursday.. So I agreed.. Without even thinking about it.
I still feel a little guilty as I promised my friend I would babysit my Godson whilst she took her daughter to meet her new class when she goes to school in September.. And I am little upset because I haven't even heard from her.. Nor have I seen her in almost 2 months now.

I had the general anaesthetic anyway, took them about 4-5 hours before I went down, I got there at 7:30am and I went down around 11:30am to 12pm.. It was frustrating waiting.. But I did it..
The only thing that hurt me, was that day one of the Anaesthetic doctors was going through my notes in front of me, and at the back of my notes were these scans from my ectopic.. And my heart broke.. It shocked me a little and I upset my mum because I got upset as I saw my scans! That was a weird feeling, it was that bad that I ended up drifting off into my own little world slightly before coming back to 'reality'.
Not to mention, seeing the images of my Cervix that was taken 2 days before during the Colposcopy..

Before I went down I was in a little state of panic for a little while.. The nurse was really nice and the Aneathetist was HOT!!! I was so embarrassed that I started crying before they put me to sleep.. I remember the feeling of the tears falling down my face, and the gentle sound of the Aneathetist saying to me "Good Night, Sweet Dreamings".
During the procedure, I lost 500ml of blood (some how) and woke up to a 'block' and a catheter shoved inside me.. Which was very worrying.. I remember waking up and saying I need a wee.. And being told to not worry because I had a catheter - CONFUSED!!!
But thinking about it now, I think they did that because they didn't want me to get my 'block' wet, as I think the block they put in place was to help bring my vagina back down to normal size slowly and help ease the pain a little??
But when it came to having that block removed was very worrying.. It felt like something was being sucked out of me =O
I am ok now, it hurts in places and at stages.. But I have pain killers to take when I feel I need them, and I have taken 2 paracetamol today and thats it, considering I didn't take anything yesterday that is..

All thats left for me to do now is to wait and see what my results bring in about 3-4 weeks time.