Thursday, February 24

Tattoo, Tattoo, Tattoo...?

So i have been thinking for a while that i want a tattoo, well admittedly i have always liked the idea of having one, so i would like one now!
Except, i want something that is meaningful to me. something that represents something..

So thats where i have got stuck.

I have come to the conclusion i would love to have 3 tattoo's!
(yes three)

The main one i want is for Billie, no matter what people say and think, he/she was still apart of me for 3 months regardless..!

So, for him/her i am thinking of..
- a letter B with angel wings
- a chinese symbol of Angel
- Billie in chinese symbols
- a star with a letter B in the middle

....ok the possibilities are endless, oops! hehe
But still, at least that would be meaningful, to me.

Is to represent my Nan, whom died of breast cancer in 1996.
So i would love to have a pink ribbon with her name and dates somewhere on my body

is to represent my love for cats, which would also go towards my 3 i have now, including our beloved Lucky whom died few years back, also Whiskers my nan's cat..


Well, i have myself plenty of ideas now! so i think i will just print them off, and get out the art book and start drawing and designing myself..

Woop Woop

so exciting, i might actually get my arse in gear this time, i hope!!


Monday, February 21

Its time to give in..

And get my butt to the doctors..

I need to sort out my problem.. as i am confused as to whats going on and why nothings happened..
And i need to sort out my meds/help!
I stopped taking the meds during december, not on purpose! i was ill with flu and i couldnt go docs because they wont let you in with a flu because of stupid swine flu.. and i couldnt get a repeat prescription because i needed the check up.. and then i stopped attending the bedale center again because something happened and it put me back to the start again where i was afraid to go out and be alone etc.
So i am hoping that can be easily sorted..

Although i have to admit i am worried about the outcome of all that though, because what i am scared of more than anything is death... which i have to admit sounds weird coming from someone who used self harm! but its the truth.. i am scared out of my wits when it comes to it..!
The thought of not seeing the stars, the moon, the seasons and the weather hurts..!

I do not know what to think or make of current events at the moment as nothing seems to ever be easy, and i do not know why..!
I mean, one min things are fine.. well not fine but ok and then within a blink of an eye everythings worse off again!

Maybe, just maybe, i need a bloody holiday... hmm!!!

Still.. one can always hope!!!

Tuesday, February 15

I'm Singing In The Rain..

Well, not quite, but i am admiring the view of the rain and listening to the raindrops hitting my window and ceiling...

Kinda wishing i was standing outside in the rain, without an umbrella!!

They say the sound of rain is relaxing, i guess they're kinda true.. but there is nothing quite like sitting in front of the window where it is raining admiring the view..
Everything, well nearly everything looks better wet
Especially flowers, they look cool when are wet with raindrops on their petals etc.

Tuesday, February 8

Woop Woop Loving It..

Today, i spent the last couple of hours with my mum and her partner at their new pub in Littlehampton (about 30mins tops away)
Its called The Locomotive, and it is pretty nifty and very snazzy!

Have spent the best part of the afternoon taking pictures for them, and on the way home my mums partner has asked me to design them some posters for Sunday Roasts.. mm mm mmmmm... hehe so looks like i going be helping out, in some ways!!

Just waiting on the info then i am on me way! :)

I am thinking about going to college to do a course on graphic design and website design or something, these subjects are what i enjoy doing the most that is, including photography!.. i love photography

My Late Welcome To 2011

I know it is bit late, but happy new year!!! lol

I have been meaning to write to this for days but i just hadnt seem to had the energy or effort or even motivation to write or say anything..
Not much has happened, had a good and interesting christmas though, I spent it with my mum, mums partner and my sister showed up for half of it before going back to her boyfriends place, after forcing us to watch Eclipse i might add..!! lol
(cant complain, i guess, i did actually enjoy it)

I have been struggling a little bit with current situations and problems, but i am getting there! i have to, i gotta be the strong one for once, but it is proving difficult, at times!!

Today [08:02:11]

I am trying to tidy up, but again that is proving difficult when i do not seem to have the energy or motivation to do anything today, doesnt help that i am tired i guess, but still i just cant be bothered today!!
- have opened up some windows to let the air circulate a little, so least that is something, even if it is small hehe

Couple of days ago, [04:02:11]
My mum decided that it was time to sort through the garage, so we hired a skip and started going through the endless amounts of junk that was clogging up in the doorways and throughout the garage.
Came across few "vintage" stuffs that i forced my dad into letting me keep *grin* was hard, but i managed to twig it in the end hehehe
Found some of my stuff that i had not seen in 5 years also, reasons for some of it being so long was because of the fact that i had moved out, and away in 2005 to live with a boyfriend in Preston, so i was limited to the amount of things i could keep and take with me, so i managed to save all my dolphin photos and ornuments, even found all my 18th birthday present items i had not seen since i was given them.. so that was nice!
Just dont know what to do with all of them, if i should keep them boxed, use them, or allow someone else to have better useage of them more than what i had...?
ooh ooh ooh... even found my prom dress!! =) now that was cool, as i not seen my prom dress since i wore it in 2003...!!! Went to try it on, but it doesnt fit me :( didnt realise until after i tried it on that it was a size 18, well now, i am a size 22-24 (my bust) - i could had squeezed in it if it wasnt for the melons...! haha
- i did feel that i again should allow it go to a new home, for someone on ebay, for a Bridesmaid dress at a wedding, or another prom! - have warned it needs dry cleaning smells of storage!

There isnt much more i can say at the moment, apart from trying to rack my brains about last years events, which for some reason i had kinda forgot..!!! :( i cant believe i have pretty much forgotten most of what i went through, but i often dream about it and see if happening, which hardly makes sense...

Still... there are things i need to focus on and sort out!! Maybe instead of writing i should continue with my washing....???
FAT CHANCE..! ha ha