Its Been 2 Weeks..

Since my operation and suprisingly i am OK - which is strange when i have seen loads of people on various Ectopic Pregnancy groups on facebook...

But all i can say about that is i guess i had no choice in the matter, i was told if i didnt have the methotrexate injection then it would end in complications but due to the endless amounts of calls from some idiot i ignored the hospital & doctors whom was trying to ring me to have my blood test done to work out if i need the second injection - which is then what lead me up into my tube rupturing and having to have that removed along with the 12w fetus growing there..

I guess i kinda feel angry, as it could had been avoided - but in some ways i am relieved incase it had happened again and it was in the left again - but i would had never known that my tube was damaged (to which i still am not aware what from) i just feel kind of mixed up - maybe the reason why i have been "ok" is because i am putting a front on so people cant see what i am really going through,  because i sure as hell know no one on my facebook is really interested in whats going on or whats happened... including some of my family!

But now, after keeping this page for the last 4/5 months i am now in threat to remove it because some idiot knows what i wrote about her - but thing is, everything i have said is true! and now im being told that she is going to do the same to me "to see how i like it" - thing is i aint really done anything wrong to her, all she knows is the stuff that Tim has told her over the last 2 years - so all she is going to do is gain attention for something that really isnt true - so if you are reading this:

*then good luck to you, i dont much care! because i know what i really am and what i have done, and well good luck to you because at end of the day all you have is very little truth and very little on the facts! *

I just dont understand how some person can be adamant to ruin someones life, if i had left then what would happen - nothing, either that or got her own way to shut her up as goes on and on despite having pretty much told for the last 3 months she is not longer wanted....!!!

anyway enough of the little mental person - i am not going to let IT ruin my life anymore, she has done enough damage the last 2 years!

.... I really need to focus on me, or at least my family as we are still being ripped to shreads..

why does something that seems to be OK for so many years end up with everything shattered...?

its hardly fair anymore

What Is Happening To Me..?

This morning i woke up to my "brother" hurling abuse about me and to me over my facebook page... and i still have not got down to the "real" reason.. he keeps saying:

- "your the biggest bitch in the world"

- "your a BULLY"

- "you ruined my life"

and various things along that line... but the one thing that hurt me the most was this:

"You ficked your life up by getting knocked up. Its your fault all this and I'm glad your baby is dead, i don't care! you would had ruined it's life, like you do everyone elses"

..to what did i deserve those cruel words!?

I tell you why i think i got that kind of abuse - i stood up for my mother, he was hurling abuse at her because..

1 - his phone was barred and didnt know why

2 - his ps3 controller wasnt working, so went up stairs to bash it up some more

3 - mum paid HIS phone bill and threatened her because it wasnt HIS fault (yet the sim is in HIS phone.. work that out)

i cant believe that my own flesh and blood, my own brother, would use them cruel words! i have never ever heard anything like it, and i have had abuse thrown at me before now many a times!

It was dreadful.. my brother was there when i got the results of my pregnancy..

my brother was there sitting with me in the ambulence when i had to go to A&E as i was bleeding.. 

my brother was there with me sitting in A&E

my brother was there talking about how cool it would be to be an uncle and how he would like to be called

my brother was there for me that day i found out it was ectopic..

my brother was there for me few days later when i come back from the hospital after the emergancy operation

....all these things he had done for me and been there for me which was just amazing to then turn around few days later and say these harmful words...?

I'm deeply hurt, and deeply gobsmacked

=(

^This Is Me, Dan & Becci (92/93)^

^ this is me with dan (04/05) ^

^ this is most recent pic of dan and me (08/09?) ^

...we looked so happy.... what on earth happened to my brother....?

1 Week On...

This time last week i was in the middle of having my operation! scary thoughts really.. in some ways!
i cant believe how quick it has kinda gone by, and i also cant believe i still aint got my head around it and it still has not sunk in, but i guess it could be due to the faulse hopes i was kinda given over the last month did not really help much, but i guess when i think about it properly and realise that i have only got one ovary & fallopian tube now and the chances of having another baby are going to be cut by half.. although i am unsure on how i would concieve again as i thought i was infertile.. plus i dont know if i would have an ectopic again! - hopefully NOT but its still risks & things i have at back of mind.

Today i had to go to the doctor to hand over my information from the operation last week, unfortunatly my darling brother wrote on my envelope thinking it was scrap/rubbish! so it may be well seem bit weird on the page but i guess they can get another copy from the hospital if need be and required..!
anyways.. my dr said that my "glued bits" are healing up nicely, my middle one has been oozing, but unsure if it is old or new, but said that they are looking ok and i have no worries about them, just leave the air to get to it! I also feel i may have a urine infection something like thrush/cystitus.. but she did say i am bound to get an infection but my body shall fight it but if still not good by weekend or whatever i go back and sort it properly.. i got new tablets Naproxen as the diclofenic ones apparently cause heart disease n can cause stomach upset and the dr dont prescribe them i was thinking OMG.. but its ok! lol
Went to get my prescription got back in car realised i had not picked up my sick note so i had to go back into the surgery to get it from the front desk - then found out that there are debt collecters after me oops.. so i had to then sort out my sick note for the ESA on the phone, tried to contac the debt collectors to see if i can sort out payments next week as no money till esa sick note back on!

Now however i am resting, as i kinda feel i may have over done it tonight, as i am feeling tiny bit sore again but i guess it is now the air, sweat and skin to skin rubbing..