I was meant to come on my laptop last night to write an entry especially following the announcement our Prime Minister, Boris Johnson has said and what he has decided is to put us pretty much on a Lockdown in hopes to stop this Coronavirus spreading and infecting more people.
This virus has been going around the world for the last couple of months now but I have not posted anything about it because in my opinion and with talks with my mum & sister that this isn't as bad as the news and media but more importantly social media makes it sound worse than it is, and with that it has let the whole world go into panic mode and everyone is in turn panic buying everything that they can get their hands on which then lead the shops to sell out of everything pretty much. This has left everyone who hasn't panic shopped struggling to buy any kind of food and toilet roll.
Luckily, I did a shop almost 3 weeks ago and was able to buy 2 tins of beans, 2 tins of beans and sausages, 2 tins vegetable soup, tin of tomato soup (had 1 in cupboard anyway) managed to buy a few micro meals and I brought 3 tiny loaves of bread I don't normally buy that many but because it's so small I knew it would all fit in my freezer. I have since been shopping and stocked up on the toiletries like shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste and pads so least IF I get low I don't have to go out just for those bits because lets face it although they are essential I don't want to go out just for those. Plus none of us know how long we will have to stay in for so at least I have those bits as they aren't as important as it would be to buy food.
Also, last night my sister took my mum and I shopping and I managed to pick up some more bits granted I didn't actually need any of it lol but I now have some other bits so I don't get bored of what I already have in. I managed to get some milk and cereal so that will make a nice change. I also picked up some lettuce, cucumber cherry tomato's and I picked up some wraps so I can at least have wraps or just salad for my dinner as I grabbed some ham whilst I was there last night and I got tuna when I was in B&M on Friday with my friend as she also took me out then to grab some shopping. The only thing I know I will run out of is toilet roll. But that's because everyone has been buying them for almost a month and when there is a delivery they're gone so quickly. But my mum has said she can give me some of hers my friend has offered to give me some of hers as well and my sister is still working nights at Sainsburys and has said that if I need anything to give her a shout also and she will get somethings for me.
I am so lucky that I live pretty much in the middle between my mum and my sister as I know neither of them are far away, what worries me more than anything is not being able to see my sister and my nephews properly. But I don't wanna risk picking anything up and passing it on to my mum or sister and especially my nephews I could never forgive myself if I made my nephews poorly :( it is going to be lonely as I live on my own but I can at least do video calls and talk to them and see them although it wont be the same as if I was actually sitting with them playing with them talking to them and having cuddles.
At the moment for me, nothing much has changed as I do not go far anyway and also because I know that I have access to others ways of seeing and speaking to them but it wont be the same which is a shame but it is what it is and for now it will have to do. I just honestly hope that other people in the UK aren't stupid and stick to the guidelines that have been put in place so we can stop this virus spreading and ensure that no one else gets poorly and we can all get back to normal and the way it was before this virus hit the UK and the rest of the world. I have seen that there are no new cases in China which is good to know I just hope that now with other places and countries in lockdown this means that they can tackle this.
I am going to do the best I can to look after myself it is going to be hard as I am not actually very good at doing.. but I gotta try which is the main thing.
Tuesday, March 24
Sunday, March 15
Fireflies - Owl City
This is the song that I was listening to a lot when I lost my baby 10 years ago. It came out in 2009 but I was still listening to it for months after. And it was in my playlist when I was busing it too and from the hospital and I haven't really listened to it since.
A few weeks ago I was out with a friend and I was sitting in the car thinking about things and this came on the radio! It was weird because I had this weird feeling and then out of nowhere the songs plays on the radio after all these years..
10 Years Since I Lost My Baby...
Today marks the 10th year that I lost my baby through an Ectopic Pregnancy. I have wrote about this in the past on here but I also write more to my other blog that I started when I first had the methotrexate injection to terminate the pregnancy in hopes to save my tube. Unfortunately this was not the case and within 2 weeks my tube had ruptured so I then lost both the baby and my tube.
This pregnancy and baby was very much wanted. I have always wanted to be a mum and have a family of my own and it is a shame that it ended in the way it did. I don't think that it helped with the hospital being unsure as I was first treated as a suspected miscarriage at first. Then I was in and out of hospital for blood tests, scans and examinations. They also believed that during one of my blood tests they felt the baby could be a normal pregnancy because of the way the hormone levels had grown within 48 hours. But I kept having scans and bloods done and the fact the baby was still growing but they couldn't see it that is when they decided that it was an ectopic pregnancy and which is why I opted to have an injection which is called Methotrexate to stop the pregnancy from growing as I did not want to have surgery there and then. I just didn't know that it was going to continue growing as I was unable to get to have my last blood test done as I kept paying out for bus tickets to go back and forth to the hospital and no one could take me and I was having issues with an idiot contacting me solidly that I ended up ignoring ALL the unknown numbers and not knowing that one of them was actually the hospital until a few days later when I had credit to check my answerphone and that wasn't until I had ended up in hospital this day 10 years ago.
I do not remember much of this day but that is because it all happened so fast and I did not have time to process the situation. I mean I know what happened because I remember having to get another ambulance to the hospital by myself as I was in so much pain and had no way of getting to the hospital but my mum had met me there. I remember bits of what happened when I first got there and having a nurse kinda shrugging it off thinking that it was just a urine infection or something and then when I was seen by a doctor he was really mean to me. I remember him asking me to lay down but kept saying I couldn't and then he tried to force me to lay down and I got upset because it hurt that much not long after that my gynecologist came down to do an inspection and realized what was going on and I was given morphine for the pain and plugged up to machines. I had to wait in A&E for a while before I eventually got taken up to the wards which is when they did a emergency scan to see what was going on and within 30mins of being put on the ward I was taken straight away to theater.
To this day I still don't fully know or understand what actually happened that day. When I got brought round I remember my mum, dad, sister & her bf at the time and my uncle being there when I woke up. I wasn't quite with it when I came round as was groggy and still sleepy. I had doctors come round to see me but the one I do remember is someone coming in to ask what they was meant to do with my baby because they couldn't find the paperwork I had signed but I didn't question it I just said I filled loads of paperwork in but didn't know what it was as I was rushed off so quickly.
The next day my mum and sister came to see me and so did my boyfriend at the time which was good.. My dad came to see me in the evening and brought one of my cousins with me as no other family members wanted to come and see me. My brother was in Bristol with his girlfriend at the time but he still kept in touch and I saw him when he came back. I also remember being on a ward with a few older ladies. One of the younger ladies who was also on the ward was leaving the day after I had the surgery and she gave me her remaining days of telly that she had brought so I could still watch tv during day/evening which was really lovely of her. I stayed in from the 15th to the 18th or 19th March. Wasn't fun I ended up going home with my mum for a week and my boyfriend at the time came over to see me few times and even went back to him after the week I spent at home.
I remember my first shower at home I had to get my mum to help me as I couldn't get my incisions wet. That was a task and a half lol especially where the downstairs bathroom was so small but she helped me. Although she did scare me when it came to taking off my bandages as one of the incisions looked infected so I had to go to my doctors for a check up so I could hand in my discharge letter at the same time. I also had to book myself back in there for more blood tests to check and make sure everything went back to "normal" meaning my hormone and my iron levels etc as I had lost a lot of blood so I had to have a blood transfusion which I didn't realise till after.
I have been told that I can have access to my hospital records if I wanted too but they also have the right to refuse the access if you have mental health issues. And where I have BPD, depression and anxiety issues I don't think they'd allow me to know anything I am not sure I haven't looked into it since I last tried to look into this.
Recently I went to the doctors for issues with my periods again and I mentioned that I had my left fallopian tube removed via laparoscopic operation and she asked if they saw anything then and I said I did not know as it never got mentioned and she checked the discharge letter that I was given to take to my doctor and she said that it was very vague and only states that they removed my left fallopian tube that was it. I am not sure if the doctors have access to my hospital records I never thought of asking until now *doh* but it is something that I need to address and I think it's time I found out the truth and learn what happened properly.
I feel a little disappointed that not many people have remembered or even mentioned it since. I have been through my memories on facebook and there was quite few people who used to message me or comment on my wall to let me know they was thinking about me without being reminded. The only 2 people who have contacted me off their own backs was my mum she text me yesterday to see how I was doing and will be popping in but not sure when I am waiting to hear. The 2nd person is my best friend who has only been in my life for around 8 years give or take but the friends who have been in my life a lot longer haven't bothered to check up on me.
But perhaps that is my own fault for not continuing to talk about it I'm not sure. I just know that not everyone wants to know or read about it because as people used to say to me that everyone goes through it but I have to admit I was told "everyone goes through it" but the issue I have is that I still don't know anyone who has gone through it because it is fairly rare compared to the other pregnancy losses. I am in different groups on facebook to do with ectopic pregnancy but I don't know any of them.
If you want to read more about what I have been through then please head on over to Life After My Ectopic Pregnancy. (link opens in new window)
This pregnancy and baby was very much wanted. I have always wanted to be a mum and have a family of my own and it is a shame that it ended in the way it did. I don't think that it helped with the hospital being unsure as I was first treated as a suspected miscarriage at first. Then I was in and out of hospital for blood tests, scans and examinations. They also believed that during one of my blood tests they felt the baby could be a normal pregnancy because of the way the hormone levels had grown within 48 hours. But I kept having scans and bloods done and the fact the baby was still growing but they couldn't see it that is when they decided that it was an ectopic pregnancy and which is why I opted to have an injection which is called Methotrexate to stop the pregnancy from growing as I did not want to have surgery there and then. I just didn't know that it was going to continue growing as I was unable to get to have my last blood test done as I kept paying out for bus tickets to go back and forth to the hospital and no one could take me and I was having issues with an idiot contacting me solidly that I ended up ignoring ALL the unknown numbers and not knowing that one of them was actually the hospital until a few days later when I had credit to check my answerphone and that wasn't until I had ended up in hospital this day 10 years ago.
I do not remember much of this day but that is because it all happened so fast and I did not have time to process the situation. I mean I know what happened because I remember having to get another ambulance to the hospital by myself as I was in so much pain and had no way of getting to the hospital but my mum had met me there. I remember bits of what happened when I first got there and having a nurse kinda shrugging it off thinking that it was just a urine infection or something and then when I was seen by a doctor he was really mean to me. I remember him asking me to lay down but kept saying I couldn't and then he tried to force me to lay down and I got upset because it hurt that much not long after that my gynecologist came down to do an inspection and realized what was going on and I was given morphine for the pain and plugged up to machines. I had to wait in A&E for a while before I eventually got taken up to the wards which is when they did a emergency scan to see what was going on and within 30mins of being put on the ward I was taken straight away to theater.
To this day I still don't fully know or understand what actually happened that day. When I got brought round I remember my mum, dad, sister & her bf at the time and my uncle being there when I woke up. I wasn't quite with it when I came round as was groggy and still sleepy. I had doctors come round to see me but the one I do remember is someone coming in to ask what they was meant to do with my baby because they couldn't find the paperwork I had signed but I didn't question it I just said I filled loads of paperwork in but didn't know what it was as I was rushed off so quickly.
The next day my mum and sister came to see me and so did my boyfriend at the time which was good.. My dad came to see me in the evening and brought one of my cousins with me as no other family members wanted to come and see me. My brother was in Bristol with his girlfriend at the time but he still kept in touch and I saw him when he came back. I also remember being on a ward with a few older ladies. One of the younger ladies who was also on the ward was leaving the day after I had the surgery and she gave me her remaining days of telly that she had brought so I could still watch tv during day/evening which was really lovely of her. I stayed in from the 15th to the 18th or 19th March. Wasn't fun I ended up going home with my mum for a week and my boyfriend at the time came over to see me few times and even went back to him after the week I spent at home.
I remember my first shower at home I had to get my mum to help me as I couldn't get my incisions wet. That was a task and a half lol especially where the downstairs bathroom was so small but she helped me. Although she did scare me when it came to taking off my bandages as one of the incisions looked infected so I had to go to my doctors for a check up so I could hand in my discharge letter at the same time. I also had to book myself back in there for more blood tests to check and make sure everything went back to "normal" meaning my hormone and my iron levels etc as I had lost a lot of blood so I had to have a blood transfusion which I didn't realise till after.
I have been told that I can have access to my hospital records if I wanted too but they also have the right to refuse the access if you have mental health issues. And where I have BPD, depression and anxiety issues I don't think they'd allow me to know anything I am not sure I haven't looked into it since I last tried to look into this.
Recently I went to the doctors for issues with my periods again and I mentioned that I had my left fallopian tube removed via laparoscopic operation and she asked if they saw anything then and I said I did not know as it never got mentioned and she checked the discharge letter that I was given to take to my doctor and she said that it was very vague and only states that they removed my left fallopian tube that was it. I am not sure if the doctors have access to my hospital records I never thought of asking until now *doh* but it is something that I need to address and I think it's time I found out the truth and learn what happened properly.
I feel a little disappointed that not many people have remembered or even mentioned it since. I have been through my memories on facebook and there was quite few people who used to message me or comment on my wall to let me know they was thinking about me without being reminded. The only 2 people who have contacted me off their own backs was my mum she text me yesterday to see how I was doing and will be popping in but not sure when I am waiting to hear. The 2nd person is my best friend who has only been in my life for around 8 years give or take but the friends who have been in my life a lot longer haven't bothered to check up on me.
But perhaps that is my own fault for not continuing to talk about it I'm not sure. I just know that not everyone wants to know or read about it because as people used to say to me that everyone goes through it but I have to admit I was told "everyone goes through it" but the issue I have is that I still don't know anyone who has gone through it because it is fairly rare compared to the other pregnancy losses. I am in different groups on facebook to do with ectopic pregnancy but I don't know any of them.
If you want to read more about what I have been through then please head on over to Life After My Ectopic Pregnancy. (link opens in new window)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)