Dear Ohh Dear Ohh Dear...

Things are still on the downer for me at the moment,
after realising alot of stuff (posted in blogs before) i had put myself in an awkward place and position! and again i find myself trying to undo it sometimes..
I am not self harming, good thing? (who knows) - however i have become and gained some what violent thoughts and feelings about myself more than others! i mean, yeah, i wanna hit someone/something but its struggling to keep it under covers and keeping it together - thats the hard and worst thing! *sigh*

...really i need to get back to the doctors and tell them, but they will give me more tablets and again i will take them for a couple of weeks and stop again as for some reason i get frustrated with them in knowing that it will take some time to work but i dont want to wait forever! and i think thats why i keep giving up again! *sniff*

I have some interview thing with the Job Centre for my Benefits on Thursday, i think i might just get up bit earlier and ring the doctors and make appointments to see someone, i have Kevin on the 5th Feb now, as i cancelled on the 12th Jan due to having a coldy thing!!
I really need to get my act together, need to sort myself out. but it is very hard when i have no one to reach out to for help (other than my mum, but she is a working lady at the mo)

Fingers crossed for me to actually sort myself out again this time eh!?