The Jigsawed Me...

He He He

Ok, I Admit It.. I Am Weird!!

I dont get much inspiration sometimes, so when it does hit me, i make the most of it!
So tonight i thought about making a jigsaw/collage of me :)
..Technically i WAS thinking about an outfit for Halloween... as i got my multi coloured tutu - the one thats in the pic with few more colours too, i believe!
And i have got that Corset also..

Thinking about making myself .. well attempting to turning my self into a " Gothic Fairy " with really snazzy Gothic make up on.. including a nice new set of fairy wings - as the ones i got are Pink - and are hidden somewhere amongst my bedroom or attic and not sure where they are exactly so i cannot use them :( but however going to see if i can get a nice better pair - or an equivalent..

I have to admit although it is kinda stupid and " sad " what i have done... but i think it looks really cool and different! hehe
When editing pictures on my computer i never really make an image like this, well i never have made an image like this before, ever!! so thought it be a fun new challenge and something else to use to embarrass myself .. but it is cool nevertheless!!

However, at the min, i am in the process of " painting " myself on Paint shop Pro! the idea came up whilst i was trying to edit my hair .. and also the skin tones as i did use two different pictures for the head and body (obviously) but i didnt really have anything to match or be close apart from that, but hey ... practice makes perfect, i guess... hehe!
I will post the other picture when i have done it, as i am sure it is interesting and gives people around the globe something to laugh about, i guess!!

Don't Judge Me Though....

The State Of My Life, Is Unbelievable

Well, i am 23 in 2 days (13th) and omg, i am at the same point as i was last bloody year
- no job
- no life
- no family
- no money
- no friends
no nothing!!!!

I dont understand, i was seeing Kevin up till about 2 weeks ago when he decided to tell me that he was going to discharge me because i had to reschedual the last 2 appointments, and i was apparently late for the one i turned up for - the receptionist told me i was booked in for 2pm not 3pm but i swear i was booked in at 3pm ... so that pissed me off pretty much!
So now, since he had not let me know if i had managed to get on the STEPPS programme, nor did i get help from a lady at the surgery called Kirsty, for Anxiety & Depression and now i will not know if i get my stupid assessment for BPD - so it just seems that i wasted all my time and efforts in attempting to sort myself out because of my ectopic, everything has in a way gone down the pan.
On the 15th it would had been 2 months since the date, but 8 weeks on monday just gone since i had the op. and it is a nasty reminder that i cant do anything right... i mean, it has really made me feel like i have the worlds worst amount of luck!
yet i wasnt born on Friday 13th!!! - however my 18th birthday was on a bloody friday!!....maybe thats what done it?
Again, i dont understand what caused this, and weather or not my right fallopian is clear or fine - until i get another one, i guess?
I have been so depressed again the last couple of days because of the state of the way my life is at the moment, and the way things are at home...
I was informed the other day that the house was being Evaluated, to see how much it is worth as it looks like things are getting to the point now where they are going to have to sell the house...!!
I dunno, it just seems and feels like nothing to me is ever simples anymore! lol its crazy, i mean i dont know how i am coping, or how i am plodding along still..but i am!?
I think i might just stick to growing flowers from seeds - and making hanging baskets and stuff with the seeds i own and have bought and growing veggies too, better than nothing... really, right?

Tomorrow i am going to make sure i get up early enough to ring the bloody doctor and get this sorted out, because i for one cannot live like this anymore and i cannot repeat cannot do any of this by myself, really.. i do need help! and yes, i am admitting to it, but it is difficult with my anxiety and agoraphobia that comes and goes ... driving me Nuts!!!

Nice Weather For Ducks...

Well i woke this morning to find it had snowed some more, not alot just enough to cover outside and make it look whiter.. but by the time i eventually went outside for a cigarette it was just wet and looked icey up the drive, so i guess it had been raining either alot or slightly to give it that 'glazed' icey look?
Still i went out for a cigarette staring at the house wondering what would happen in a few months time, as both mum n dad have different ideas about it all .. and i was thinking what should be done for the best, and well i strongly feel that none of us should have the house, and that we pack it up and move when the time is ready.. for there are loads of memories in this house, good and bad, and well i think that someone else should have their chance on making their memories good or bad hear instead of living in the house from which mum n dad split up in etc.
but i guess thats down to mum n dad at the end of the day, but if either of them had any sense, any sense at all they would do the house up, make it look clean and perfect and then get it evaluated, and then just work out sensibly what to do with it instead of fighting against each other for the house!
i am watching tv and trying really hard to focus and concentrate on the stuff i am meant to be helping my friend on, but what with whats going on around us is just making everything difficult and i feel so uncomfortable here.. its not like a home anymore, partly because i keep leaving and coming back, but more so the atmosphere and the uncomfortableness that has arrised from the parents splitting up and making snide remarks about each other - i just feel as though i am stuck smack bang in the middle all the time it aint fair! :(