Thinking Gives Me Headaches..

Lately i have been feeling down in the dumps and i have been keeping it all to myself and locking it up in my head and throwing away the keys..
But i have been thinking about how to resolve some of the problems, dread etc. and decided that the best thing to do is admit defeat (again) and go back to the doctors (again) and sort myself (again)!!!

...I cant seem to keep things going and i cant seem to be able to sort myself out properly, or by the time i do i cant continue being "strong" and i give up, but i really need to learn to stop giving up, but it is easier said then done.

Tomorrow i am going to sort out getting to the doctors for one, i cannot continue on with my life feeling the way i do day in and day out, struggling with myself and my thoughts and feelings.. and problems!
I need to learn to talk to someone and open up..

Japanese, Saving Dolphins...!!

i was flicking through my facebook like i normally do, and someone had posted about a baby dolphin being washed up in a rice field that was rescued, over a week later since the earthquake/tsunami.

I know that most japanese people kill whales and dolphins for meat and other things, and i have to say i was suprised to learn of someone saving it.

please follow this Dolphin rescued from rice field 12 days after tsunami link..

I have to admit, like she said "It was better than dying in a rice paddy"

Awww.. i do hope that the baby found its way home, and is eating properly now..

Poor little thing...

I gotta get me one of these..

This is one of the most cutest things i have watched on youtube today!

I love cats & kittens! they're adorable, i dont know what i would do without my cats i have here..

Only trouble is, these videos of kittens are making me broody! 

Thinking Of You, With Love.. As Always!!

This is a little something that i wrote for my nan, today is the anniversary of her death, and i always try and write a little something, as it shows that i am thinking of her.

Tonight, i plan to dig out my candles and write her name, or even the letter V ( her name's Violet ) in tealights and then light them when i feel ready to.

I may actually do this outside on the ground..  but would be even cooler if i could do it on the beach like all of the amazing blogs i've read on here..

Still, something i do should and will be a little bit special, even if it isnt the same as everyone else's ideas etc.

15 years has flown by fast
Why didn't the memories of you ever last
I miss you more each day
but I still love you Nan in every way
I still cant believe your gone.
I think of all that you missed out
Unfortunately this is something one can do about
For now I live with you in my head
And dream what could've been in my bed
But I wish I could be with you
I also wish i could bring you back just for the day
Just so i could make new memories come my way
It never gets easier each year passing by
I still question it, I wish I knew why
I really want to hear your voice again

R.I.P Nan, Always in my heart, Gone.. Not Forgotten!!

21.06.1940-06.03.1996

Frogs..

On my facebook, one of my friends on my friends list has two tiny little frogs, i wish i could have one!! these are kept in a fish tank as they are special types of frogs.

I was just thinking that i would like to have one or two in a fish tank, they are pretty nifty little things as i have seen them before in pet shops in the aquarium section.

I love aquatic stuff, anything water just interests me, which is why i was happy when there was an aquatic center in our town, but now has been replaced by Cash Converters.

When visiting pet shops, i always look out for the fish, same with garden centers i love being around fish in there also, it smells but it never bothered me that much,
Maybe, instead of frogs, i should get fish..??

My cousin got a little frog for her daughter, but some how, they lost it!
(it either got eaten by the fishes or jumped out of the bowl, i cant remember if they found it)

hmmm... if i want frogs, then why dont i just go up to the duck pond or something, and get me some frog spawn and get me some tadpoles.. start from there?
Well, i would.. but unfortunately i cannot access the pond we have here, so thats out of the question, this year! but who knows, maybe next year?
I mean, we did find a Newt whilst digging up in the garden in the summer, as they say the possibilities are endless.

I would like to have something aquatic though.. maybe fish or a turtle, maybe even a little terrapin!!!

Hmmmm...

either way i would like to have one or the other. my favourite fish are the neon ones (left) but then terrapins (right) do look pretty cool..

Choices Choices.. so hard to pick!


What i do want, is tadpoles...

My Immortal - Evanescence

"I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave

Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears

And I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light

Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams

Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears

And I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears

And I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me, me, me"

[From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/e/evanescence-lyrics/my-immortal-lyrics.html]






Again, this is another song that means something to me, such a wonderful song and very well expressed, Amy Lee is such a wonderful singer, i dont know what i would do if i had never been entered into the world of 


...EVANESCENCE...


God, I Love This Song...

Seether & Amy Lee - Broken

I love this song, i never really saw myself liking this sort of music, but i ended up enjoying it, but i kinda feel that this song as some meaning to how i feel sometimes,

I am broken...

In more ways than one really, but i cant express myself as to how i think or how i feel as though i am broken, which sucks!
I wish i could, but then how do i know if someone is going to listen, or understand for that matter!!

Still, i love this song, and thought i should share!

Tattoo, Tattoo, Tattoo...?

man oh man

there are so many different tattoos out there i cannot seem to pick one, or something suitable to represent anything..

I want 3 different tattoos

1.

Breast Cancer Ribbon with NAN written on it with her date of birth and death - reminds me of my nan!

2.

A special tattoo for Billie, my named Ectopic.. was thinking:

B with angel wings

Heart with B in the middle

Angel written in chinese symbols

Billie written in chinese symbols (trouble is there are 2 male & female, but i had to pick a unisex name!!)

3.

A cat, to represent my love for my cats i have now, and the ones whom has passed... :)

But, where on earth shall i put them???

The cat i was thinking about going on my inside ankle.. as its only going to be a simple outline..

but its where i am going to put the other two is the problem!

I think i might get one on my shoulder, and other on my wrist, but its going be difficult with my scarring.. oops!

Back to the drawing boards!!! lol

Will post my designs i like so far i think, then maybe if someone reading this wants to help me, they can!