I am a little late in writing this blog entry because I have been struggling a lot recently since we have been in lockdown and I have been losing all my inspiration and concentration etc. I am not really sleeping properly as such, I keep falling asleep around 4 to 5am most mornings and then I am up at 9 to 10am every day pretty much and it is very frustrating because I am then tired all day gets to the point where I am that tired I feel as though I am going to sleep so I get my self ready for bed and then my body is like "ha ha just kidding" so I end up laying there for a while till I crash pretty much..
On Wednesday 13th of May it was my birthday.. I was pretty bummed about it because of the lockdown. I had prepared myself for no visitors, no gifts, no cards no nothing because where I live alone I have been on my own through the last 7 weeks we have been in lockdown.. BUT I was told the day before that because Boris Johnson has made an announcement about the new guidelines to the lockdown he had made it possible for one member from each household was able to meet up and sit in a park/beach etc. now so I had made arrangements to see my mum we was going to sit on the beach and have a proper catch up but when I had gone downstairs to meet my mum she said because the weather wasn't that great and was a little chilly she decided that we wasn't going to do that which was fine. She gave me a bag full of presents which isn't what I was expecting at all.
After a few mins of her being there she was watching out and couldn't work out why! Turned out my sister was coming too and she had brought 2 of my nephews with her and I just broke down into tears. Because although I have seen my mum on and off over the last 7 weeks from where she has brought me food and bits to keep me going and when I have been able to go shopping I have got her bits too.. So I still was able to see her but my sister and nephews I haven't seen in 7 weeks now and it was so good to see her in real life and the boys too! I have been doing video calls with them every week which was better than not seeing them at all - thank god for technology!! I got a bag of bits from them too..
We stood outside for about an hour having a chat and I just couldn't stop watching the boys because it kinda felt like I was dreaming.. It was sooo hard though because where I was so emotional I couldn't have a hug from neither of them but it wasn't a sad cry it was a happy cry.. We talked about TikTok and what they been up to and it was lovely..
I had honestly prepared myself for the worst because I didn't want to get my hopes up and then it didn't happen. If that makes sense?
When I went through my bags of bits they had brought me I was more emotional because I had 3 handmade cards one from each of my nephews, one is 5 and the other is 7 and they both drew on the front and wrote their own messages and signed it by themselves except my youngest nephew he's only 2 but my sister had helped him with that.
I got a bottle of lambrini, box of chocolates and a keyring that says "Auntie, We Love You To The Moon And Back" on the moon and 3 stars with each of their name on.
My mum got me some Pink Gin WKD, Maltesers, a top, an Angel that has Daughter written on it and reads "Angel's From Above Watch Over Those We Love" and I got a socially distanced birthday bracelet and a Moonpig card :)
Because of all the emotions I had the night before, during the night (was awake till gone 4am) and then from the moment I woke up that carried on throughout the day. Despite all this I ended up having a better day than I had expected which was good. I'm not gonna lie it was a very weird day but I also got a lot of messages left for me on my facebook wall including a birthday story that they started doing too. I even had my story full of my memories from my birthday over the last 3 years as that's how far back the memories go on Snapchat. But again few family members saw those and didn't bother messaging me. My immediate family messaged me like my mum, sister brother 2 cousins on my mums side and 1 cousin (technically 2 if you count her hubby lol) on my dads side messaged me. My dad however, he didn't message me all day till around 9:30pm. Felt like I was a bit of an after thought. I haven't actually seen my dad in over a year now and he hasn't spoke to me in months. I don't know what happened or why he has pretty much abandoned us 3 and I don't think we're gonna get any answers for that. Except what we believe and that's his wife doesn't like us.. Shame, but it is what it is.
At least the important people messaged me and thought of me that's the main thing :)
