The State Of My Life, Is Unbelievable

Well, i am 23 in 2 days (13th) and omg, i am at the same point as i was last bloody year
- no job
- no life
- no family
- no money
- no friends
no nothing!!!!

I dont understand, i was seeing Kevin up till about 2 weeks ago when he decided to tell me that he was going to discharge me because i had to reschedual the last 2 appointments, and i was apparently late for the one i turned up for - the receptionist told me i was booked in for 2pm not 3pm but i swear i was booked in at 3pm ... so that pissed me off pretty much!
So now, since he had not let me know if i had managed to get on the STEPPS programme, nor did i get help from a lady at the surgery called Kirsty, for Anxiety & Depression and now i will not know if i get my stupid assessment for BPD - so it just seems that i wasted all my time and efforts in attempting to sort myself out because of my ectopic, everything has in a way gone down the pan.
On the 15th it would had been 2 months since the date, but 8 weeks on monday just gone since i had the op. and it is a nasty reminder that i cant do anything right... i mean, it has really made me feel like i have the worlds worst amount of luck!
yet i wasnt born on Friday 13th!!! - however my 18th birthday was on a bloody friday!!....maybe thats what done it?
Again, i dont understand what caused this, and weather or not my right fallopian is clear or fine - until i get another one, i guess?
I have been so depressed again the last couple of days because of the state of the way my life is at the moment, and the way things are at home...
I was informed the other day that the house was being Evaluated, to see how much it is worth as it looks like things are getting to the point now where they are going to have to sell the house...!!
I dunno, it just seems and feels like nothing to me is ever simples anymore! lol its crazy, i mean i dont know how i am coping, or how i am plodding along still..but i am!?
I think i might just stick to growing flowers from seeds - and making hanging baskets and stuff with the seeds i own and have bought and growing veggies too, better than nothing... really, right?

Tomorrow i am going to make sure i get up early enough to ring the bloody doctor and get this sorted out, because i for one cannot live like this anymore and i cannot repeat cannot do any of this by myself, really.. i do need help! and yes, i am admitting to it, but it is difficult with my anxiety and agoraphobia that comes and goes ... driving me Nuts!!!

Sunday Sunday Sunday...

Ok, WHY is it that Sundays are always the worst and boring day of the week!? and how is it that we always seem to know when its sunday...?
is it because i have no life that i find it extremely irratating...?
is is because i have my bus ticket but cant go far due to the buses stopping at half 6...?
or is is it just because i cant find anything to do!?

...god i seem really sad!? lol

I mean i thought it would had been nice, to relax today, the other half has gone out.. but i absolutely hate it!!
i feel the time has gone by so slowly and its just so depressing... let alone being down in the dumps about my ectopic pregnancy i had terminated on 26th...!
although today i have actually thought about how things would be different and wondered what they would be like if i hadnt had an ectopic pregnancy... thinking stuff like
...watching my belly grow
...seeing it on the screen for scans
...listening to its heartbeat
etc.. all this i long to have and witness for myself! and i really wish that this time was MY time... except now i have to wait at least 3 months to be able to start and try again, well thats if my body will enable me to have another baby :(
...i really hope it does!!