People Make Me Laugh..

Talk about pathetic..

WHY do people dictate to others what they can and cant do.. I mean, I know someone who thinks they can dictate to others what they should do, just so that they can get what they want??

" Tell her to go out so I can come round "
" Throw her out so I can come and stay "
" Pack a bag you aren't wanted "
" Why are you there, he doesn't want you "
" Get out of the house or I will sort you out "

There are so many statements that I could list, but cant because there are far too many stupid comments that people have let slip through their mouths.
What do these people think, or expect to gain from this!? Do they REALLY think they can get their own way just because they want what someone else has got, perhaps?

But it does just go to show how two faced some people can be, they will be nice as pie to your face then in a split second could be stabbing you in the back within minutes..
It does just go to show that not many people can be trusted, and people do tend to take advantage of you and your kind nature.

If you are seeing this post and realised that you are the one whom made these statements - think again before trying to stir up trouble.. IDIOT!!

Rant Over!

9th October

... I know it has been quite a while since i posted, but i have very good reasons for this which i will try to explain as much as possible.

1.
I was being followed on this blog, so i stopped writing for a while because people were making stuff up and saying i had said something - which was untrue!

2.
I didnt feel like posting for a while.. so i started up a new blog talking about my problems and everything, which i will not be linking through to this one for the fear of the people stalking me on this account getting the other one and using everything against me - which i have to say is NOT fair!

3.
The summer wasn't so bad, so i was in the garden doing my garden or out helping friends with small jobs!

But i am going to use this one to talk about everything else, BUT my problems - or upsets as i feel this isn't going to help with people whom don't even know me well judge me based on my past/problems - when them too have problems or similar to what i been through, and yet have ago at me and hurl abuse at me, which is hardly fair!

Bare with me whilst i continue writing this one..

It's Such A Perfect Day...

And i am glad i am feeling so much better than i did yesterday!!!

Yesterday i had a god awful headache and i was sick aswel.. NO fun!

I have not got much to update, except i am feeling bit down in the dumps and bit annoyed about 'Pathways' which is this course thing i HAVE to do on ESA - I emailed the woman i saw to let her know what was going on with Ectopic Pregnancy when i first had the injections on the 26th Feb, and i never had a response, i believe the only letter i had was telling me i missed it - and i am sure i never had another appointment gave to me? or even if i did i wouldnt had got it on time, or i was in hospital.. it wasnt my fault. i told her at the time i prefered to be contacted via email or text - there was nothing stopping her telling me there was a letter on the way, or even better send me a copy of the bloody letter via email!

and yet I am now in trouble (i think) for it but i have no idea why.. i had my money stopped for about 2 months between feb & 2 weeks ago and i assumed that i was on the appeal and that i wasnt being seen etc. or i wasnt involved in pathways no more as i never heard from the woman again despite emailing her.. and then out of the blue i find out she has been ringing me and i bloody missed 'em because they've rung me up on with held (which i dont answer thanks to a complete idiot you know who you are) or my phone was off because again of the idiot!

I just dont understand why all this crap happens to me, nothing is ever easy, nothing is ever simple anymore! and i had gone onto ESA for extra support into getting me back into work safely after the problems i have had over the years with people & my mental health.. and yet after the phone call with her yesterday i felt kinda upset, and disapointed when i tried to explain what had happened i had the attitude:

"well its not me its effecting"

..I mean talk about bloody rude! she knew i have my phone on silent because its easier for me, and she knew i rather be texted than phoned or emailed - so why did she choose to ignore me and ring my mobile instead, i will never know!

Still.. least i got my sick note sent in, i just dont have a clue whatsoever on what to do about her and the course anymore!

I am still waiting to find out if i am gonna be able to get on to this STEPPS programme with the Bedale Centre which is a course enabled for people in need of better coping mechanisms etc.

But then again i have not actually seen him since poss beginning Feb...?

- again that was due to the Ectopic Pregnancy and being in and out of hospital for Blood Tests, Scans, Examinations etc.

Still.. only time will tell i guess..

The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells

The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide

Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder

Sometimes I Act Crazy: Living with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified: An Essential Guide for Understanding and Living with BPD

Mental Health and Mental Illness

Prentice Hall Reviews & Rationales: Mental Health Nursing (2nd Edition)

Mental Health: Dimensions of Self-Esteem and Emotional Well-Being

PDR Drug Guide for Mental Health Professionals, 3rd Edition

Unsupported losses: Ectopic and molar pregnancy and blighted ovum

Ectopic Pregnancy Medical Guide

21st Century Ultimate Medical Guide to Problem Pregnancies - Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Ectopic Pregnancies - Authoritative Clinical Information for Physicians and Patients (Two CD-ROM Set)

Dystocia; Ectopic Pregnancy (Clinical Obstetrics and Gynecology, Vol. 30, No. 1, March 1987)

Ohhhhh.... Its Been A While... ;)

Hehe i just love that part from scary movie with her "afro bush" lol

Well, it has been a while since i have written to any of my blogs, and well i stopped to try and see if it stops people interfering, and funnily enough since i have not written anything to it i have had no idiots causing hassle.. so maybe NOW i can continue to write my blog without the problems that they've caused from it!

Nothing much has changed in the last few weeks, except still trying to start to get over the operation, which i am not getting out properly... i dont want it to be an ongoing thing, but i guess i just think:
"im 22, in a way i have half my reproductive system... am i 'normal' etc."

On the upside (i think) I have bought myself alot of stuff on ebay... items such as:
HEADPHONES - BRAS (yes they are brand new...) - HAIR EXTENSIONS - HAIR STRAIGHTNERS - NEW CAMERA - DVDS...

I have not done too bad, considering i have been selling too...!

Got my new bras today, including one of my dvds and my hair straightners, so i am trying out all those before i go out tonight,

oh yeh main reason for why i am writing this lol - i am going out tonight with my uncle, to do star gazing! =) - but this time i am going with him to an event in Guildford ...!!!

I have been out before with my uncle, but that was in September time..? - i am waiting on getting a telescope through him too...

I have been taking images of Venus Thursday night and i took picture of the Moon & Venus last night... my camera is a standard compact 10mp camera with 3x optical zoom!

(I bought myself a new one with 7mp and 10x optical zoom!...so i will be able to get better images hopefully)

Here is an image of the moon i took with venus shining below it:

I am hoping to get some new pictures tonight, as my uncle will be showing me just how i can take better images - not that it matters, but it be useful when i sell my camera i have now to make up for buying the new one..

Who knows, i might just get some pictures of some Galaxies.. or maybe even Saturn or Mars (as they're out the same time not long after Venus - between approx half 8 and 9pm - which you have to look to the WEST for!!!)

oh my god... what ever next..

When will this shit end..!?

grr seriously this girl is mental.. threatening me first to have me beaten up and then to have me taken away by pyshchiatrists & men in white coats.. and now the police.. what ever next...?
..i dont get it.. i mean it ok her telling us she fed up being treated like shit or told kill herself but in fact it is the other way around..

i am being threatened with:

- pyschiatrists and the men in white coats to take me away

- be beaten up by various people

- and now being in trouble with the police...

...is she having a laugh?

she is a mental case.. rings up constantly .. texts all the time, claims she is pregnant, claims she has having abortions and miscarriages etc. 

she is telling me that i am to blame for everything that is going wrong in her life - yet she is the one causing all the problems!

i was awake till very late last night in a state for what she has been saying and doing to me, and now i have to change my mobile number to get rid of the sad individual.. and i believe me other half now has to do the same!

Its ok her telling me how much of a nut job i am for what i have done, and the violence streaks i have that dont come out all the time

but she wasnt so quick to start a fight herself when she was here a few months ago because she didnt like it she was told to leave and didnt like it she was told she was not wanted but insisted she HAD to stay because she was covered in bruises - but she had no markings on her at all my other half did! 

i swear she sets the police on me, then fine! i can get her into far more shit.. plus she is supposed to work with kids in a nursery in chichester....!? seriously if she acts like this all the time then aint them kids in danger themselves!?

I have never ever come into this sort of trouble ever in my life! 

this girl has ruined her own life for being such a dickhead and ruining friendships and relationships! 

she has been hanging around in the darkness for almost 2 years now, and she still doesnt get that it aint her he wants it is me but she insists otherwise claiming she has all this evidence but never proves anything!

Why is it me who is being targetted for this nonsense... i have not done a thing wrong to her - everything i have said about her and the way she acts and what is going on she is jealous.. but no she wont admit it she says all the time

"why would i be jealous of a retard like you"

and then why call me a retard!? how am i a retard..?

...aint that offensive to people who do have proper problems etc...!?

I have Borderline Personality Disorder..

and the thing that she does and say and everything make me change within seconds! i am frantically typing at my laptop writing this because i am so darn angry at her and for what she is doing and causing!

I just hope that when tim and i do get married she realise she has lost and fuck off and ruin someone elses life! 

I do not want to live the next 10, 20 years with some idiot like her who wont let go because she has no one else to fall back on, no one else wants her because of the way she is!

...garentee i get told that all this is me none of it her etc. - thing is i have all the recordings on the phones from what she says about me to me one answer machines! 

maybe i should post a cd of her screams and shouts down the phone, stupid threats and send them to her work

People say i am a psycho.. but no one actually knows what i and my other half have to deal with!

Maybe its her who needs be sectioned, taken away or whatever ... she is the one who threatens to kill herself because she cant get what she wants!

oh but then again, she does in the end, and that is stupid attention!!!

i am so angry its un true! thanks to her i now do not feel safe anywhere, she says she knows where my mum lives, she knows where my other half lives... no one or nothing is safe anymore!!
 

if anyone has any suggestions, help or ideas then please get in touch!

I cant cope with any of this anymore, and i seriously do not have a clue on what to do anymore! its beyond a joke!

Cut Me Some Slack..

Today i am very tired.. i didnt sleep well after going to bed around 3am i did not sleep very well i couldnt get what happened before hand with this girl upsetting me and causing me problems..
It was dreadful everyone tells me i am strong after what i been through so i shouldnt let her ruin me, but it is hard when stuff like that has been said and sent to my phone that i now have to change my mobile number just to stop the hurt and abuse coming through to me first!
Trouble is, she threats me all the time, been threatening with some person to beat me to pulp twice in space of few hours that never even happened.. and threatening to come over again today! and what makes it worse is she lies to get the attention and then my other half texts her to find out what she playing at etc. but as he says, she does it to wind me up and upset me and play mind games with me.. but if that is the case, then why does he continue to allow the idiot to threaten us and text her because she says she is coming over when she really isnt!?

i wish i had the answers and i really wish none of this ever happened.. but unfortantly the little girl gets off on the attention and rows that have been going on with her for the last few months, possibily the last year.
All she goes on about is being pregnant.. but for a pregnant person she sure dont act like it.. threatening, causing rows, upset - not just towards us but it involves her too but no, instead of leaving us alone she continues to cause problems!
some people are stupid, strange, cruel, manipulative and heartles...!!
...no wonder this girl has no friends really.. and is about to loose her job - talk about nut job....

my.. my.. my..

What A Day... What A Day...

Had my last blood test today (dunno if good thing or bad...?) plus i am still bleeding on and off and light, sort of like 'spotting'
Spent the day with my other half and his son, which was nice.. even if it did hurt at times because it often hurts knowing that i had to loose mine, and i just dont have a connection like he does with his kids and it hurts! :( silly really.. but i just really wish i had my own child that would actually be excited to see me everyday and want to play with me and everything!
i dunno i guess i being silly... but i just in some ways in the 2 weeks i knew i was pregnant i kinda had this whole idea of what a family would be like and finding out it was ectopic just killed something inside! people say i can try again etc. but who is to say that this time the baby will grow in my womb and not in my tubes or ovaries or wherever it was this time around etc.
other than that it was an OK day till some berk starts causing problems with her "thats not what he said" or "he was seeing me at the weekend" etc. etc. etc. i am board of hearing it and board of you knowing that you can control my mind by not even seeing me ...!!
I am now chilling out, has just had spaghetti and meatballs made for me for my late late dinner... whilst watching a film called Stick It, that my other half bought me in BlockBusters! :)