Thursday, December 31

New Year, New Start...

Woop Woop

.. today is finally the last of 2009 .. and a start of a new decade tomorrow 2010 .. hard to believe this time 10 years ago we were celebrating the millenium and expecting the "millenium bug"..

i think i had best make some new year resolutions, lol but i made so many last year and then forgot what i wanted to do and then nothing ever got done! lol

at least tomorrow is a new year and it shall be a new start..!! =)

xx Happy New Year Everyone xx

Monday, December 28

Bank Holidays Always The Worst...

and today just about proved that..
i slept bit longer than usual as i was so tired and the house was quiet - for a change, so i managed to catch up on a little bit more sleep not a great deal but a little.. and i been spending bit of time on a website i found for free mobile phone ringtones and wallpapers etc.
pretty cool actually.. and found some really crazy and funny stuffs..!
but nothing ever seems to be 'ok' and stuff in this house, always means something bad is going to happen or something and well today proved that...

Thank God Its Over...

all i can say is i am glad that christmas is over and done with.. it has been so hard to deal with what with mum n dad argueing and the house having this atmosphere and not feeling like home anymore.
i got woken up christmas day morning at 8am by my brother singing "merry christmas everyone" to himself.. in the end i had to get up as my brother was whispering my name so i got up and we went and sit with mum, like we have always done with out stockings.. except we had to wait for my sister as she stayed with her boyfriend christmas eve..
i went to wake dad up when we had done out stockings.. and he came down, hardly spoke to us, didnt say anything about his presents.. then went off upstairs.. never saw or heard much from him again until i was told to get dad down for breakfast.. except it took 4 attempts to get him come down.. and then went off back into the bedroom - again! and that was it, it was just myself, mum and brother and sister .. what fun!?
Christmas was a complete disaster.. and in a way i was glad that i was called to see my mate, because other wise i would had just pulled my hair out and got more fed up..
i got some nice pressies though, i got:
a book, nighty's, socks, knickers, chocolates, smellies, phone and some jewelery.. =)
i tried really hard to keep a brave face, until it came to dinner.. i went up and told dad it ready and not to be too long, said ok and then never came down and then a row started because he never was called, when he was!! its getting silly and petty.. and sick of the atmosphere..!
in the end i spent the night with a friend, spent boxing day with them until i was told i was invited to see my aunt and uncle which i thought was ok and good as it be nice n stuff, but there was just an atmosphere obviously everyone knows that mum n dad splitting up and getting divorced and now hardly anyone talking to us - talk about UNFAIR! just because thats happening doesnt mean we dont want a normal bloody life does it!?
.. went back to my mates and omg i was so much happier.. least they understand me...!!
i had to come back yesterday - unfortunatly.. so i had to get bus into town to get another bus out, so i wondered around the town bit and omg.. there hardly anything in the sales espesh in New Look .. the inspire section is so tiny now all there on sale is pjama's and few coats, jeans, and cardigans! nothing much interesting or worth buying really..  so i bought myself some headband thingys i had before, in Pink, Blue Brown & Black - all for £1 so i got them.. hehe

Wednesday, December 23

Just A Few Days Left..

Well there aint long left now till Christmas Day, and to be honest i am sooo glad, although i wish it would hurry up and get here, be over and done with and then can move onto the new year.. and hope that it is a new year and a new start.
the last couple of days have been like hell.. monday mum comes back from her weekend away wishing she never came home..
and tonight all hell broke loose, as soon as i stepped out shower all i could hear was shouting and arguing and i was just frozen by the front door i couldnt do anything, it was horrible eventually i went into the front room as was cold and it just continued i screamed for everyone stop shouting and arguing but it didnt do much i just got told of for ' being silly ' never mind the atmosphere and arguements and problems are effecting me.. i am starting to feel like i wish i never come home, although now i have to look into getting my own place to get away from everything and everyone, but i am really scared i never lived on my own and i not sure if i really ready - but at the end of the day i have no choice what so ever, i have to do it i got nothing left and noone left and its driving me insane to the point where i have no where to turn.. no one talk to nothing.
things are never going to be ok and no matter how much i want and try i am never going to get the perfect life and the perfect love i dream about.. all i do at night is cry and cry and cry i got so much running around in my head that i cant keep up with anything..

Monday, December 21

Films, Films & More Films....

So after my last post i watched, well listened/watched more films on sky, i was watching various of films, one of them being:

A Christmas Wedding..
that was ok.. was about some girl who was travelling back to get married on xmas day encountering problems and helping others before herself on christmas..
enjoyed that one!

27 Dresses..
that was a good one also, i had been wanting to watch for a while, but i managed to catch it on sky not long after " A Christmas Wedding " ..!


The House Bunny..
omg i love this film.. is from the makers of Scary Movie if i remember rightly.. but is about a PlayBoy Bunny =) really funny and very cool..


Ferris Bulliers Day Off..
..nothing beats a nice 1980's film with Matthew Broderick in *drools*.. really good and funny have seen this few times before, but still is good film to watch..


and to finish up for my blog i started to watch the end (unfortunatly) of Mickey's Once Upon A Christmas on the Disney Chanell.. i love this film, i have it and Mickey's Twice Upon A Christmas on dvd also, but when i tried to watch the other day i couldnt get my dvd to work *sigh*

.. i am now doing the reciepts i have done 2008 - 2009 woop woop..
still got some more 2 do though due to needing to do their small reciepts! :)

Nice Weather For Ducks...

Well i woke this morning to find it had snowed some more, not alot just enough to cover outside and make it look whiter.. but by the time i eventually went outside for a cigarette it was just wet and looked icey up the drive, so i guess it had been raining either alot or slightly to give it that 'glazed' icey look?
Still i went out for a cigarette staring at the house wondering what would happen in a few months time, as both mum n dad have different ideas about it all .. and i was thinking what should be done for the best, and well i strongly feel that none of us should have the house, and that we pack it up and move when the time is ready.. for there are loads of memories in this house, good and bad, and well i think that someone else should have their chance on making their memories good or bad hear instead of living in the house from which mum n dad split up in etc.
but i guess thats down to mum n dad at the end of the day, but if either of them had any sense, any sense at all they would do the house up, make it look clean and perfect and then get it evaluated, and then just work out sensibly what to do with it instead of fighting against each other for the house!
i am watching tv and trying really hard to focus and concentrate on the stuff i am meant to be helping my friend on, but what with whats going on around us is just making everything difficult and i feel so uncomfortable here.. its not like a home anymore, partly because i keep leaving and coming back, but more so the atmosphere and the uncomfortableness that has arrised from the parents splitting up and making snide remarks about each other - i just feel as though i am stuck smack bang in the middle all the time it aint fair! :(

Sunday, December 20

Proof.. Life's Too Short...

I have just a few mins ago found out that Brittany Murphy one of my Favourite Actress's has died.. i am gob smacked.. she was only 32 and online some are saying its a Heart Attack...


She has stared in the films i have watched and love:
Don't Say A Word
Just Married
and many more can be found here.

I just cant believe it, i mean it aint just her that has been taken from us this year, if you think about it there was:

Micheal Jackson

Wendy Richards

Jade Goody

Stephen Gatley

Patrick Swayzee

and few more..!

its just sad.. she was soo hott and gorgeous and a brilliant actress.. cant believe she aint gonna be staring in anymore films *sigh*

Oh What A Day....

talk about BORED BORED BORED...

.. argh ..

i can concentrate on anything, i cant focus, i cant do what i need to do to help a friend, nothing! i just dont understand it.. i am constantly frustrated i just dont understand .. including talking too much moving around to much and not sitting still everything..!!

I have watched a few more movies/dvds & tv programmes today though, so i cannot complain, too much guess..?
watched Carry On Christmas 1973 then the Carry On Christmas 1972 version after, The Mummy, Journey To The Centre Of The Earth, and now i am watched Inkheart, all on my own.. boring huh!?

i am also finding it difficult to still try and get into the christmas spirit too... god knows why but i just am! awful awful awful...!

i wish i could stop fidgeting, playing withmy hair, itching, scratching,moving, kicking my feet and legs etc.

Ohhhh the boredem..

god i am so board! its unbelievable.. there is like nothing to do.. i am tired still due to not sleeping, and the thought of nothing to do is frustrating..
for some reason i am watching some crap that my father put on - samson and delilah - it aint too bad i suppose.. but it is kinda boring to be honest..

i just dont know what to do its so borrrrrring and stuff..

Saturday, December 19

Trying To Get Into The Christmas Spirit..... again..

So i have been bored out of my brains, i mean very board, at first i had my brother annoying me for hours on end, till he finally went to Bristol to stay with his girlfriend.. and my sister has been at work.. so it has just been me and my dad - and i cant tell you just how boring it was, hardly anything to do, nothing on tv.. sky is crap, nearly/over 1,000 channells and bugger all on to watch, just crazy! - although i did watch 'Yes Man' with my brother this morning (see other blog).
Eventually my dad did decide to watch a film, and we watched National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

...such a funny film.. i loved it, even though i had seen it before lol

however, now at this moment i am writing this blog, i am actually sitting in the sofa, watching Love Actually on ITV (i believe)...

I am also chilling out drinking a glass of baileys and ice..

although i shouldnt really.. as i am on anti depressants, but i just dont know what it is but i just cant stick to them, i just keep giving up! =( i strongly feel nothing is working, nothing settles me, and nothing certainly has made any difference in the last 3 months - even if i do keep giving up and everything... oops!

More Snow Pictures..

These are some of the pictures i took today out side my house .. still some 'snow' but most of it is like ice.. *sigh* but still looks pretty on the car =)


ok thats enough.. but can see all my pictures on facebook >> Here << lol

Hmmm.. so alike..?

i just watched the film Yes Man .. and it is amazing and very funny.. gotta LOVE Jim Carrey..
Here are some clips..

Whilst watching this film, i noticed the girl 'Allison' looks remarkably like KATY PERRY... and i just thought it was her, apparently not, the girl who plays Allison is infact Zooey Deschanel... who was the girl from Elf...

i just google searched them both, and i cant get over how alike Katy & Zooey really are.. but then that could be my opinion or that i am just bit of a dumbass.. who knows, but i am still kinda amazed... take a look and see what  you think:
This Is Zooey Deschanel

And This Is Katy Perry:

..can you see the similarities.. or is it just me!? either way, they are both pretty girls and i think and feel strongly that they look-a-like!!

Friday, December 18

Snow Pictures..

Here are the pictures that i took between 04:30 & 05:00 this morning 18th december 2009.





These pictures were taken early hours, so i dont know whether they are good as i not really checked yet since i took them - oops!

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow...!!

Today i was taken into town by the bested friend i could ever had asked for, he didnt have to take me out he could had ignored me, but no he didnt, he actually took me out of the house went into town everything..
i didnt buy anything, due to no money - yet.. but i think i got a few ideas for christmas presents either way.
mind u in saying that i recieved my first christmas card and christmas present last night from a friend =) first christmas present from a friend i believe in a very long time.. so i am quite chuffed to be honest, but still i aint gonna open it till christmas.. hehe
I had a bloody snow ball thrown at me from me mate and then i made a mini snow man on the bench lol he was well tiny.. but i couldnt do him properly as my hands were bloody cold...
I was really nervous about getting into town, on the bus i completely forgot what i was doing and where i was going .. and then when i got into town and could see loads of people my head felt heavy and i started feeling faint.. but i was brave and stuck it out and me and my friend went into town, was weird and was fiddling with my sleeves on my coat loads and in shops i was playing with the drawstring bit on the coat that supposed make it tight or loose..
We went around few shops, not many and then went into Morrisons and i got me some doughnuts and chocolate biccies *yum*
On the way home i was clinging onto the seat for dear life, god knows why but i just keep feeling nervous all the time no matter what i do where i go etc. its crazy crazy crazy!!! - i was going to take some pictures but by time we got there it had melted and was all slushy from the various buses and cars going round.. so that was bit disapointing.. but still i got some snaps before.. although thinking about going into the garden and making a snow man - again teehee.


Here are some snow man images i found on google.. i have not been out there yet to make my own, but i am tempted to go out there and build one now, i can assure you!



... oh and i had to add THE snowman in too - he is snowman afterall and to do with winter etc ...


i so want to go and build my own now lol


Here are some images of snow that i found google searching, thought i would add because different images and in different places look cooler.