Monday, December 6

Happy 18th Birthday

On the 26th November, my baby brother turned 18!!
I just still cannot believe it! Time has certainly flown by..

We had a little tea party thing we always do at the house for birthdays, and then he had a party the next day!!

Not many people turned up though, which i have to admit was bit sad, but knowing my brother had a great night regardless of the faces whom didnt show!!

Still... I got to dance with my Cousins Daughter, if only for a little while hehe
Cant believe how grown up she is now.. time has definatly flown by!!



My Brother (the birthday boy) And I

My Mother & I

My Brother (the birthday boy) - Me - My Sister


It's been over a week now since my brother turned18, and i still cant believe it happened!!!

Sunday, November 14

Mmmm... French Fancies.... *drooools*

Oops.. there goes my last one... 
I bought this packet of 8 in our tesco express just a few days ago, and i manged to go through a whole packet tonight!!
There is 8 in a box :|
Mind you, the ones i bought were called "Frosty Fancies" theses ones were white.. and mmmmm they were sooo scrummy!!!


Only problem i find with them, sometimes, is that they get very sickly after a while! =) But i loves them nevertheless! teehee


So, after eating a box.. and realizing that Mr Kiplings French Fancies are kind of expensive - sometimes - i bought for £1 in Tesco, as i mentioned before...


So, i looked on line, googled french fancies recipe and i think i got one...






"4 packets Asda Smart Price sponge mixture (4 at 27p each) 
4 eggs (94p for 6 = about 60p)
150g butter (£1.36 for 500g = about 50p)
Icing sugar (in the store cupboard – no idea)
A bit of jam (again, going spare in the cupboard)
Vanilla essence (that cupboard really needs a sort out)
3 packets of Asda smart price ready to roll white icing (3 at 48p each)
Pink food colouring (31p)
White writing icing (£1.24)
Asda fondant fancies to dissect, and then devour (98p)

Directions

1. After doing a straw poll amongst friends and relatives, the most important features of a French fancy are – a. they’re a cube, b. they have a lump of some as yet undefined squishy stuff on the top, and c. they come in 3 colours.

2. As a Frugal Pimper (as opposed to a Blinging Pimper) I shopped at Asda, and chose mainly Smart Price items. I could have made sponge cake using flour, sugar and so on, but at 27p a packet, and promising to make 2 6 inch sponge cakes, this seemed the most cost effective way. I’m also quite lazy, so I made all 4 packets up with 4 eggs and the right amount of water in a food processor. 

3. As we’ve discussed, the proper fancy is a perfect cube, so a lot of time was spent trying to work out how to make a cube shaped cake. A square cake tin would have been the obvious way to go, but being forgetful (as well as frugal and lazy… god, I’m such a catch) I realised when I got home I’d only got round tins. After discussing whether it would be more ‘pimp’ to make a round fancy, we decided this was a cop-out, and I rose to the challenge.

4. To make a square cake, I had to resort to meat roasting tins lined with tin foil. As these were rectangular, it would need some cutting and pasting later on, but that is what all my years at school studying home economics and physics were surely for.

5. So once the tins were ready, the mixture was whipped, and the oven was pre-heated, the only thing left to do was bake it. Once baked, I left them to cool on some racks, while I thought about how to make a cube

6. While they cooled, I started on making the icing. I chose pink, as the only writing icing I could find was either black or white, and looking at the packet, the only white iced fancy was pink. Logic, you see.

7. Mash the icing with some of the pink food colouring. No idea of the amount I used, but it was very messy, and I ended up with hands like a serial killer for days.

8. After sampling a couple of the fancies (and getting a bit hyper, which reminded me why I steer clear of cake usually…) the creamy stuff seemed to be buttercream, and the packaging stated it was vanilla flavoured. After looking in my trusty Good Housekeeping recipe book, written before I was born and passed down by my dear old Mum, I found a recipe. Would you believe it, buttercream is nothing more than icing sugar and butter. Astonishing. As I couldn’t be bothered waiting for the butter to get soft, I microwaved it for a few seconds, then stirred in the icing sugar, after sieving of course. I then added a bit of vanilla essence for good measure.

9. The trouble with baking cakes in meat tins lined with tin foil, is that they don’t come out very easily. Well, actually, that might have something to do with the fact I forgot to grease the tin foil. Whatever happened, they needed sticking together with some of the creamy icing. I then transferred it onto a board, and cobbled together a cube by sticking bits here and there with sugar free (for the health conscious amongst you) jam. By the end of it, it looked like Frankenstein’s Monstercake.

10. I then dolloped the cream on the top in a big round mound, shaping it with the greatest care as it was already a bit top heavy.

11. By this time, I was beginning to see just how gargantuan this cake was, and was beginning to wonder if I had enough icing. After rolling it out, I could see it was big enough, but couldn’t quite see how to get it on the cake. Taking a deep breath, I folded it over the rolling pin, and dropped it on the cake. Amazingly, it worked, until I realised I’d forgotten the apricot jam to hold it on. Oh well, after a bit of fiddling and trimming off the excess, it looked okay.

12. The final touch was, of course, the lines of white icing going over the fancy. This was pretty easy, as I bought icing already in a tube.

13. As you can see in the comparison shot, it’s about 100 times the size, but still has the trademark lumpy top. The cross section does unfortunately show the lines of jam, but you could argue, as I did to my brother-in-law, that it’s just that little bit more fancy.

14. BUT that’s not all – with the leftover cake, buttercream and icing I didn’t want to waste, I made a sort of stretch French fancy by cutting open the cake, filling it with cream, covering it with icing and piping over some go faster stripes. It tasted pretty good, and was definitely easier to eat than the other one."

Not too bad, it even tells you where to get it, and how much you can make them for!! probably cost more to make, but at least your get a lot more to eat, other than 8 small squares of heaven *drools..* 

Wednesday, November 10

1 Down, 3 More To Go (for now)

Today was the first official session of Coping Skills..
All we talked about was ways of helping me sleep, and things which could stop me from sleeping.
So now i have some 'homework' to do, so i am going to start trying it out tonight, although i am pretty tired from the bad night last night, so i might just get off to sleep ok with out no worries, if i do then i am going to cry!!
But then again, i do have my ipod - that kind of helps.. because i can relax myself and take my mind off things by editing photos or playing games on it..
I had a panic before i left, as i was tired from bad night sleep and constant waking etc. and stressing about what happened in the evening didnt really help matters..
So i didnt actually get out of bed and do something until almost 1pm.. and then finally got ready to leave for 13:30.. until got to the bus stop and saw the buses were up shoot :( 3 buses went past to chichester, but nothing going to Bognor i was like argh.. noo!! i text my friend in a panic but thankfully a bus finally came, as i would had been fooked if i couldn't had got there because of no transport :(
But it turned out ok in the end, just as soon as i got out though i started shaking and felt very light headed as if i was going to faint.. but i didnt i just stood there shivvering as it was soo bloody cold today!! i cant wear anything too heavy under neath my coat/jacket, so i wear a vest top so i dont sweat soo much..
But, i didnt realise it would end up being almost freezing at 3pm lol i wish i had taken a scarf to be honest!!

I need to buy a file to keep all my informations together, so i don't loose it and its all together and i can flick back and forth to stuffs also!
So i guess it would be kinda like going back to school lol

Also mentioned about something i forgot last week to mention was help to get over my ectopic pregnancy because i dont think i can do it on my own, considering it has now been nearly 7months and i just genuinely cannot get it off my mind or stop thinking about and worrying about the way things could've have been.. especially wanting to have been able to have my baby, and wondering how my life would be like with him/her in my life etc.

But i was told i would need counselling through my GP for that, or support groups.. or i could look into the internet for help and talk about it amongst people in similar situations etc.
So i can either wait for the end of my coping skills sessions to work out what would be best, or i can go to my GP or just find support myself..!

Tuesday, November 9

World STOP.. I Wanna Get Off....


Ohh God.. Ohh God.. Ohh GOD...

There is sooo much changing, and sooo much happening that i just cannot keep up any longer..

My head feels like a washing machine on a fast cycle.. Everything jumbling around and round and getting caught up amongst many many other items of clothing inside the washing machine..


It just gives me a big headache and it no fair anymore.. I just cant keep up or allow one thing to enter my head to sort out at just that one time.. and i dont know why!
I really really wish things wasnt so messed up inside my head and was easy to talk about things and allow them to come out and leave and never return, but it doesnt seem to want to work that way and i dont know why :(
Just let me get off now, i'm feeling sick...!!

As if feeling like a washing machine wasn't enough for me, i also feel like i am on a rollercoaster...
A rollercoaster of change..

I know its going to sound really stupid, but i just found out that my dad is now seeing someone also.. and i feel bit odd about it all..
When mum and dad split up i was really unhappy and freightened of what it would mean and become, and worrying about how things would be at home, and how it would be with just Mum, but then dad came home again and it got awkward :( always arguing and saying things to each other and moaning about each other behind their backs!! Awkward
When my mum started  seeing someone not long after dad it didnt feel right, and same with the others after that it didnt feel right, it didnt feel right that dad and mum had split up either :(
But now both of them have someone, and it just feels over.. i dont feel like i am apart of a family anymore, i cant go and say
"I live with my mum and dad and siblings" or "i have a mum and dad" now, its "i live with my mum" and "i have a mum, and a dad"
and then soon, i'll end up with step-parents!!

Why does it have to be so final.. so finished...

Friday, November 5

Bonfire Night


*** ... Remember, Remember.. The 5th Of November With Gunpowder, Treason The Plot.
I See No Reason Why Gunpowder, Treason Should Never Be Forgot ... ***

Ok, so in the United Kingdom, once a year on the 5th of November, we have what we call a Firework night
(this is for all the people whom are not from UK)
I do not know much about the history of this, but i have some idea.. but then there is always google etc. for gaining the information required.

I didnt have any fireworks tonight, nor did we have a display - or at least what i know of!
But once a year there is a local football club, and they hold them once a year but i dont think it is in November? - i cannot remember.. hehe
But  i know every year when the fair comes to Bognor during July when our carnival is on, they hold fireworks one night, kind of like an opening night i suppose.. and they have a nice display, but i have not been to them in a couple of years, and i took some footage with a mobile phone at the time also...




These videos i took with a mobile phone, so the quality is pants, plus you can actually hear talking in the background of some of these.. just to warn you! lol

There is also a big firework display in August every year after we have our annual Illuminations gala.. which is great!
I was involved with the Gala in 2009.. not this year as few days before the event everyone started falling out and causing problems and upsets, so in the end we just handed it over to the people whom thought it was for them, and their "event" but then, they decided to change their minds at last minute..
Still, there is always better luck next year... i guess!! lol

I have to admit that i love firework displays.. but i dont really get to go to many of them to be honest..

Thursday, November 4

The First Step To Changes...

Today i had my appointment at our local mental health center..

Had bit of a restless night, but still managed to get up.. well stay awake this morning lol
I had a few tears and panics before i left, but i managed to get there, in the end!! (i got my brother to meet me and walk me around to the place)
The meeting wasn't too bad, i had a lady whom is new to the profession, and wanted to sit in with me and use me as her project i guess.. i was reluctant at first, but until i was told that it would be extra help and support, i thought well i might as well.. plus i am a tough lil cookie with so much going on.. that i would be a good subject lol just hope that i dont put her off her career :p teehee
After she was introduced to me, we went through a mini questionnaire thing, to point out how much something bothers me, and what is desperate and needs to be looked at.
I don't remember much on this list now, unfortunately :(
but i do know that the most important subjects were
- self harm
- tension release
- sleeping
- anger management
..and quite a few more...
I was asked if i wished to start looking into the program today, but i felt that after the interview as they say that i felt bit full of information and talked all i needed to talk about and left it at that.

I now go to the Bedale Center once a week.. going on a Wednesday afternoon at 2pm.. i start my first session next week. they are going to be easy on me, mind you they'd have to - i not very good with pressure etc. so i would need to start off small..
So next week's session will start talking about sleeping - as thats driving me mad as i cannot sleep and i have been like it for 2 to 3 months now even before i took the anti depressants!!!
I talked about sleeping tablets and how the ones i took the other day "NatraSleep" and the effect they gave me..
So who knows what'll happen!!

But after the session, my brother came and met me again, and then i went back to dads flat with him, and then watched him and his girlfriend playing on the playstation 3 and then finally dragged my brothers arse into town!! lol
I wanted to have a look at external hard drives as my laptop drive is only 100GB and i want bit more space than that externally so i dont keep clogging up my laptop itself as it slows it down all the time.. drives me mad!!
** i hope i didnt embarrass him too much lol My brother should realise that when someone takes ME out its "Special Sammii's Day Out" - like the people that look after special needs peoples.. hehe thats what it like for meeee... so i kept going ooooooh POKEMON and WOW and OMG .. etc! ha ha ha **
All i bought in town in the end was a new art book, as i lost my other one at my house somewhere :( and then a few bits in morrisons..
did a little bit of shopping, mind you most of the shopping was chocolate for meeeeeee =)
i bought:
a pack of 2 doughnuts - they didnt have the custard ones :( so got 2 raspberry ones! lol
2 x kitkat caramel was on off 2 for 70p!!
box of maltesers as was £1
cheapo custard creams
crinkle and thin chips
and curly fries =) yay

Not bad really lol although i shouldnt eat all that really.. i will get fat.....!! ha ha ha ha (NEVER)

Tuesday, November 2

Let It Rip..


Ok.. so tonight i have spent about an hour, maybe bit more on ripping cds into mp3 format for my laptop drive so i can put the musics on to my Ipod Touch


I done the cds i bought in a charity shop the other day (50p i paid each cd)

Blue - All Rise
Offspring - Conspiracy Of One
Offspring Americana
S Club 7 - 7
Savage Garden - Affirmation
Ne-Yo - Year Of The Gentlemen
Keane - Hopes & Fears
No Doubt - The Singles 1992-2003
Crowded House - The Very Best Of
Lemar - Dedicated
Now 31
Street Vibes

Quite a wide selection of music, dont you think lol
I love my music.. what more can i say =)

Mind you, this aint including what sort of music i already have of my Ipod!

Fainting Goat Disease In Kittens..


This is a follow up from my last Blog "Fainting Goat Disease In Kittens.."

I thought i would check back and see what the progress was on Charlie (the tabby) as they'd lost poor little Spike (black n white).
I was shocked and upset to learn that little Charlie also lost his life on 30th October 2010, not long after Spike had battled to keep his.

I found the update on the youtube video, the one i posted in the blog before a couple of days ago, and saw they'd made this memorial video.. its such a shame, and a big loss i feel for the couple whom owned them both and looked after them regardless of the illness..
Such a gorgeous little pair, so loving and affectionate towards them both

I was reading the description again, i couldnt bring myself to watch the video this time around although i had seen it few times before, but the look on their tiny faces was heart breaking enough..
this is what the description said:
" charlie and spike are two kittens with myotonia congenita, otherwise known as 'fainting goat' syndrome. at the slightest sound or movement, the kittens respond by collapsing and falling into a rigid paralysis which lasts about a minute before they return to normal.If a pin drops they drop too. This condition has hardly ever before been diagnosed in a cat, is rarely found in dogs and is more common in goats. The kittens are able to walk, but they cannot run or jump. aside from this they are normal. 
Sad to report that the black and white kitten (spike) died on 27th october from respiratory failure. thanks for all the kind messages. comments enabled once again as duplicate videos are appearing. this is the original
Sunday 31/10 - I'm devastated to report that Charlie (tabby cat ) died in my arms last night. we are in a state of shock and disbelief at this. During the short time we had them, both Charlie and Spike touched our lives in a way that we never expected. We had a plan for treatment with drugs, approved by the Royal Veterinary College at Potters Bar, but there was a worry that the drug might be immediately fatal while the boys were so small. We were due to start on monday. I had prepared a second film which I have now posted to you tube dedicated to their memory. thanks again for all the kind comments you have posted. Ed & Becky x
1/11 update:
a duplicate video appeared on you tube, with gun shot sounds synced to Charlie's falls. I though this was OK initially, but given that Charlie has subsequently died, I requested YT remove it, and they have done so. The RVC were not impressed by it at all. "


I cant believe someone would be so cruel as to do the sound effects on something like this, i mean they didnt ask to be born like it.. unfortuneatly it happened.


   ♥   R.I.P Spike & Charlie      

Sunday, October 31

Happy Halloween..

Happy Halloween..

I've nothing planned for tonight, nor do i plan on dressing up...
I have never really had the chance to do all of the 'Halloween Stuff'..

Everyone i see on facebook at the moment is going out with their kids, dressing them up in lil cute outfits and going out 'trick or treating' carving up pumpkins etc etc etc.

I went to a Halloween Party once, in 1998 or 1999 when i was at school, a lad called Tom at school had invited me, I was dressed up like a Witch! (nothing like the picture though lol)
I had everything but the cape, so i made one out of bin liners lol so funny... Never really went to a party like that before, so this was of course my first time... 
I don't remember much i think we went off trick or treating i not sure i cant remember.. but i am sure it was a good night...?

I even tried holding one of my own Halloween parties once, that wasnt too bad.. didnt do anything exciting really, listened to music had some stuff to eat and listening to music, and then went off around the park near where i live and went out for a while - wasnt anything exciting really lol just bit of fun!
Was going to hold one the year after but my dad took ill.. so i wasnt able to do it because dad was rushed to hospital!

Never really did anything like that again, nor was i invited to anything like it...!


Mind you, it is giving me some ideas for what to do next year! may even think of doing another charity event such as the one i held for Cancer May 2009!!
...Least i could plan this one a little bit better than my cancer one... I hope! lol

The Painted Me

OK, so this picture is actually supposed to be ME...

I copied it from the post "The Jigsawed Me.."

I have to admit it is very very hard trying to draw/paint over a real image, and actually get the colours or at least some of the colours correct!!

I look really dodgy, but then again i was using the finger touch pad on my laptop - i couldn't do it with my mouse!!
For a first attempt, it is not toooo bad.. although i do feel like a prat doing it now! but still.. practice makes perfect - or so they say! lol

Still.. at least i gave myself bit more of a figure and bigger/perkier boobs ;) teehee

May stick to picture editing after another try me thinks....

... Don't Judge Me Though ...

Friday, October 29

Happy Halloween..

Ok I Know It Is Bit Early.. And It Is A Bit Stupid And Rubbish.. But Here It Is:





Once upon a time there was a little ghost who wanted to go out haunting for halloween but didnt have anything to wear. So he went to all the other ghosts to see if he could borrow a costume, but he had to stay home because nobody gave a sheet!!

Happy Halloween
XxxXxxX


The Vagina Song...!



Ok, so i know this is a mad thing to post and talk about, but i think it is wicked.. its sooo catchy!!

Thursday, October 28

" Fainting Goat " in Kittens...

>



Last night i was flicking through Facebook on my Ipod not long after i turned off my laptop, as i got a notification saying my friend Jacki from the states had sent me a message..
I then went through my News feed to find someone had posted a video called * Fainting Goat Kittens * wondered what it was all about, so i tapped to view the video then opened up full screen.. i watched it and i chuckled and laughed as i thought it was funny...
It wasnt until i after i watched it and read the description and saw that they had a condition i felt really bad, for laughing and bad for the kittens, so i watched it again.. watched thinking at how they must feel at not being able to do anything a normal cat would do like explore etc. because they just cant do anything without fainting every so often that didnt last long...
After watching it the second time i re-read the description this time properly and i saw that the Black & White one, Spike had died from complications due to this illness.. it was very sad, so i watched it again for the 3rd time, and this time my heart opened and out came floods of tears!
They were baby kittens.. soo cute, and to see them together and then hear one of them had died just made my heart break!!!

I thought i would share the video on here, partly because i wanted to express myself about this video.. and because i wanted other people to see this, whom are not on my facebook or have never actually heard about this before!

Still thinking about these two kittens today, i can just see their tiny bodies walk few paces then seize up and fall the floor in a blink of an eye!

♥   R.I.P Spike.. Sleep Well   

The Jigsawed Me...

He He He

Ok, I Admit It.. I Am Weird!!

I dont get much inspiration sometimes, so when it does hit me, i make the most of it!
So tonight i thought about making a jigsaw/collage of me :)
..Technically i WAS thinking about an outfit for Halloween... as i got my multi coloured tutu - the one thats in the pic with few more colours too, i believe!
And i have got that Corset also..

Thinking about making myself .. well attempting to turning my self into a " Gothic Fairy " with really snazzy Gothic make up on.. including a nice new set of fairy wings - as the ones i got are Pink - and are hidden somewhere amongst my bedroom or attic and not sure where they are exactly so i cannot use them :( but however going to see if i can get a nice better pair - or an equivalent..

I have to admit although it is kinda stupid and " sad " what i have done... but i think it looks really cool and different! hehe
When editing pictures on my computer i never really make an image like this, well i never have made an image like this before, ever!! so thought it be a fun new challenge and something else to use to embarrass myself .. but it is cool nevertheless!!

However, at the min, i am in the process of " painting " myself on Paint shop Pro! the idea came up whilst i was trying to edit my hair .. and also the skin tones as i did use two different pictures for the head and body (obviously) but i didnt really have anything to match or be close apart from that, but hey ... practice makes perfect, i guess... hehe!
I will post the other picture when i have done it, as i am sure it is interesting and gives people around the globe something to laugh about, i guess!!

Don't Judge Me Though....

Ohh No... Not AGAIN!!!!

Ok i done something else pretty stupid today - another thing i have managed to upset myself a little bit with - and worry myself with!!

For the last few months i have been feeling pretty crap, as i have hardly had much sleep and i keep having hot and cold flushes during the day sometimes and i have them at night quite a bit..
So me being me, does a Google search with " night sweats " and what comes up.......??

MENOPAUSE...!!!!

I was like omg.. nooooo!!! and i couldnt work it out to be honest.. i mentioned it some one else and said it could be down to my Ectopic Pregnancy operation i had... but i never heard of that happening before..??

So, i just either going to have to put it down to stress.. or go to a doctor about that also.. but they already gave me a leaflet on Insomnia.. so god knows what is happening to my body... lol but something needs to be done!

Because other week i said i had tiredness, headaches and something else.. and then the first thing that came up this time was....

Leukemia..

Of course this upset me.. but i keep forgetting that all the symptoms i have or had experienced are all linked to many other Illnesses but i didnt actually think properly to start off..

This is why i have to be careful with what i do or say because i am bit dopey and i am always believing everything i see written without thinking or paying a great deal of attention!!


Ooops....!!!

Wednesday, October 27

Snow....? In October...?

Yes Its Trueee!!!
Here are some pictures that my friend Jacki from America, whom i talk to on Facebook, since watching the Solar Eclipse, July 2010!!
I was talking to her and many other people on the website chat through Facebook, it was great talking to people over the world,
and from that date, we've been talking ever since on facebook via email mostly - due to the time differences, i believe i am 7 hours in front...
But i do often leave wall comments and stuff during the day, to say hi and stuff!
It really is cool, its like having a Pen Pal - i think? although i have never really had one before, or at least i dont think i did have one..? still.. its pretty neat having someone else to talk to over the " pond " as one might suggest! lol
I think these pictures were taken at her place, and she has informed me via facebook that these pictures were taken about 8am..
Pretty nice pictures i have to say!

I wonder if the UK will get any snow early this year..?
If it keeps getting colder, i wonder if we'll get lucky and get snow at christmas, now that would be great! :)

Tuesday, October 26

NatraSleep Tablets..

The other night i took a tablet to help me sleep, the NatraSleep ones that you can get online and in most stores - i believe...
But, instead of helping me sleep, i was wide awake for HOURS! couldnt work out why neither, but it wasnt until last night we'd decided to READ the box and it says and i quote:

" DO NOT USE IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION OR ARE TAKING ANTI DEPRESSANT MEDICATION "

Err.. OOPS.. springs to mind!!!
Mind you most of the time i am always checking the box to make sure what you can and cant take for things, but because i was mega stressed out with this moron texting me and winding me up to the point where i exploded.. i couldnt settle or relax! but instead of helping me relax, this tablet kept me up longer i felt like i was high or hyper or something but i had to keep still as hubby needed his sleep .. so i couldnt keep him awake but i CAN assure you it was VERY difficult for me to be quiet or still for a certain amount of time! 
I wanted to listen to my music on my Ipod - but no the music was " too loud " so instead i surfed Facebook on it for a little while, until i got bored of that and decided to start playing a game and then deleted some stuff and found another game to play etc. etc. etc!!


Maybe next time i will either learn to read first, or just not take anything that may effect or have an effect whilst taking the meds... 

Monday, October 25

Its Official I Am Mad...

Which i think is so so true...

Today i spent about 10-15 mins watching a LadyBird..
It was walking around and around the window, even getting itself caught up in spider's webs, and then untangling itself, even a spider went to go for it..
at which point i was worrying, and hoping the spider doesnt eat him! :(
Was even talking to it too.. but i was actually hoping that it would come into the window but it carried on walking on the black stuffs that keeps the windows in place.. but still it was nice! lol
I hate insects.. and flies etc. but the one insect i am not afraid of, never have is a LadyBird.. i still get jumpy and scared when they fly off my finger/arm etc. but other than that i could sit with lots of them walking over my fingers hands and arms!
I love them.. even if they are weird looking...! - it is true!

Had bit of a weird day today.. The electric run out, and where i am bit funny about going out on my own and walking everywhere i thought i would cheat, and get the bus, thinking it was a good idea - but no, i was wrong! a job that would've taken me almost an hour on foot or approx 30mins by bus, resulted into almost a 2-3 hour journey! lol
45mins + at a bus stop waiting on a bus (3 went the other way)
and about another 30 mins waiting for a bus (which was the same one i got on i have to admit)

Finally got on the bus, and then i gets around the corner and see's my daddy driving the other bus going in the other direction!! i did wave - as he did look at me but dunno if he saw me lol

Friday, October 22

The Sunset In Bognor Town

This was such an amazing site i had to take pictures!!

The sky was filled with clouds but still enabled a gorgeous effect in the sky!

20th October 2010
This was taken from a friend's window in a flat in the town centre..



22nd October 2010
Sitting outside the bus stop after getting off the Star 1 from the Doctors



Pretty aren't they!?

My New Friends Pinkie & Blueie WotWot

This is to welcome my new stuffed friends, big enough to fit in my pocket,

Pinkie & Blueie WotWot!

I bought these two in the Fabulos 99's shop in our town, and fell in love with them both, there was actually 4, but was only allowed to buy 2 =(
When i next in town providing the other 2 are still there, i will get the other two!
This is them both in McDonald's not long after i bought them..
The Blue One on the left = Blueie
The Pink One on the right = Pinkie!!

These are the WotWots!! :)

So cute aren't they, in a weird and wonderful way with their big wide eyes, teehee

I have decided to "Cruise" around and take them with me everywhere i go, and take photos of them in strange and wonderful places... hey.. least it is something to keep me occupied i guess, even if i is childish! ha ha i have few more photos but i am not sure if i should share on here, or on facebook!!!
I would really like to see if i can get them over the world, how amazing would that be, i can send them out to people over the world, starting with people in the UK and going from there, then they'd get to see the world. and they'd have to post the pictures on facebook and stuffs so can see their current location etc.
Now that would be amazing....

Monday, October 11

My Life..

I've been thinking about a great deal of things over the last 9 months or so, not just because of the ectopic i had, but because of other things, well other people instead..
I have looked at what i have been through from what i can remember from when i was kid, and to be honest there isn't much that i do remember, or recall.. but what people have said, i can see as if it were on video tape.. other stuff just seems to haunt me..
The last 3 years or so have been a bit mixed up...
2007 - i got with a bloke called Gary - he was bit dippy, and kinda ended up being bit like a maid doing his washing most of the time - which admittedly wasn't much as he wore same pants for days :| cripes!!!
In July time, i started seeing some lad whom i talk to a lot called James, he was lovely bless him! and strangely enough are still friends to this date! :D
Eventually i got back with Oli, he was my first REAL boyfriend, we broke up in 2006 as i was moving back to Bognor and wanted a fresh start blah blah blah...!! lol but eventually i realized i didnt feel the same for him as he did for me, or the feelings that i did have wasn't strong enough, so i let him go! apart of me wishes i hadn't another part thinks its for the best!
Since then, everything seemed to had gone down hill! :(
September 2007 i got a job in Card Factory, and i loved it! it was fun and interesting and new and i ended up getting to be a Supervisor and left in charge on sunday - again something else i loved! Until Christmas came! i was sooo ill over christmas it was horrible! :( - and this is where everything started boiling up again! the store was packed with people buying christmas cards and small gifts etc. and it didnt help when i ended up getting the flu with a bad cough and still having to work! - i did let down alot of people there which i couldn't or didnt mean to do just happened but i couldnt cope and didnt have the heart to admit it or tell anyone! - was awful.. then came along the "suicidal attempt" in march 2008 - not been as bad since (touch wood) but have done it since..
I ended up giving up my job at card factory because of my behaviour, being picked on by staff and an incident with someone causing me problems didnt help! i didnt know what else to do, so i had to give up and let the other people win, i am not really a fighter.. i am more of a giver up person!
Since these incidents i have not worked in 2 years! 2 years!!! its awful.. it really is! but i just cant cope with myself, let alone trying to keep a job - again! i am not the person whom i was and this Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression and Anxiety problems are holding me back - which i cannot stop.. because i know there is something wrong with me and being out and about with these problems and by myself scare me! so i just keep myself to myself and normally keep my problems to my self!.. but i need to " talk " let go of some " release " and feel bit better - although knowing me i wish i hadn't done or said anything, which would then lead me into deleting this post, if need be!
but then again, i dont really know why i post my thoughts and feelings and upset on this blog, when there are people out there whom follow me around the internet, watching me and my every moves - and i dont know why! there is nothing fascinating about me, so i dont know why everyone feels the need to stalk me online! lol idiots...!!!

anyway i think i done enough talking (typing) for one day/night (started last night) and leave it as it is, for now!

Saturday, October 9

9th October

... I know it has been quite a while since i posted, but i have very good reasons for this which i will try to explain as much as possible.

1.
I was being followed on this blog, so i stopped writing for a while because people were making stuff up and saying i had said something - which was untrue!

2.
I didnt feel like posting for a while.. so i started up a new blog talking about my problems and everything, which i will not be linking through to this one for the fear of the people stalking me on this account getting the other one and using everything against me - which i have to say is NOT fair!

3.
The summer wasn't so bad, so i was in the garden doing my garden or out helping friends with small jobs!

But i am going to use this one to talk about everything else, BUT my problems - or upsets as i feel this isn't going to help with people whom don't even know me well judge me based on my past/problems - when them too have problems or similar to what i been through, and yet have ago at me and hurl abuse at me, which is hardly fair!

Bare with me whilst i continue writing this one..

Wednesday, June 2

Here Comes Summer ....

And i have started to be outdoors bit more, not by going out and about, but by sitting in the garden mostly

I have started growing things outside too, which has got me bit excited to be honest..
Im growing:
Runner Beans, Cucumber, Lettuce, Tomato, Parsley, Basil, Chives, Flowers, Broccoli, Swede, Carrot, Onion, Spring Onion, Radish, Potatoes, Garlic, Courgettes and possibily more...
Its been amazing, especially going out there first thing to water everything and see whats going on in there.. and then opening up the plastic greenhouses and then watering in day and then shutting them down at night etc.
I have been impressed with myself to be honest, i have never been so into or interested in anything as much as i have been interested in gardening.. it is something i seriously wouldnt had thought of doing in the first place, the idea of it at the time before this was boring.. and i would rather had played being a farmer on Facebook playing Farmville...!!! lol
But i had spent the day in the garden today, sitting back and sitting in the sun, just for a change because i never really do to be honest.

Time Certainly Does Fly....

I still cant believe that my sister is now 21!
We went shopping in Chichester with our mum & aunty Michelle..
was lovely, but the thing that let me down the most was the fact that i had come on, and i was in agony this time around - again - not as bad as last time, but hopefully now i can start having a somewhat normal period, after the ectopic..?
Any way, my sister...
She is called Becci (Rebecca) and she is pretty..!!!!
After shopping in town, we went home and she had a sort of like cocktail party, she had invited people from work mainly, as since mum & dad splitting up and getting divorced, dads side doesnt talk to mum..
So there was only a handful there, but hopefully she had a good time, and that is the main thing aint it?
I bought her:
A picture with informations on the day & year she was born on
A Pink sash with "happy 21st birthday Becci" written on it with 2 different birthday graphics
A photo frame with 21st birthday on
A glass with 21 on it
2 birthday cards (because i couldnt pick between the 2 i liked)
And mum bought her a big birthday balloon sorta like the one i got for mine, except hers had 21 on lol

Here are some of the pictures I took that night with my camera..

This is me and my mum, she has lost weight, she looks fab, dont she?
This is me with my sister,

This is my sister and her boyfriend, Alan


This is mum & her new fella.. =)