Why Does This Have To Be Real...?

Today I have been flicking through my hard drive sorting out some videos to put on to my USB stick that goes into my telly and been flicking through all my old pictures that I have taken over the years and put onto my hard drive to make space on my laptop.

I found some old videos that I kept in a separate folder to go through easier and I was nosing to see what I have stored and came across some videos of Jack my eldest nephew at Christmas at our Grandparents house we all got together for a Christmas meal at my grandparents and didn't realise that you could hear my Grandad in the background. There was other voices as well but I just broke down because it's been almost 10 months since my Grandad died and I miss him so much!

To be honest it still hasn't sunk in properly that he is no longer here, I haven't been to his grave since his funeral back in January because I don't want it to be real so I haven't gone :( I want too because then I can speak to him and tell him I'm sorry I haven't been sooner etc.

Never knew I had this and I am so glad that I always take pictures of everything and everyone and videos too! It felt so good to hear his voice but now I miss him even more if that's even possible!?

At least now, when I miss him and want to hear his voice, I can! Will have to share the videos with my family so they too can hear his voice!

I had all this a few years ago when I was given a DVD of my Nan she was interviewed at St Wilfreds Hospice about the roses that was planted in the gardens and it was originally on video but it finally got transferred to DVD and it had been many years since I last heard my nans voice and I remember how upset I was when I heard her voice for the first time...

Thinking Of You With Love...

Thinking of my Nanny today..

She died March 6th 1996 of Breast Cancers, she was 55 when she died.

I was only 9 years old at the time, so i unfortnatly do not remember her much, all i have is the memory of her before she died, and the little things we did together when i was younger.

i dont remember how shed looked or anything anymore, all i have is a picture, to remind me of whom she was.

Dear Nanny,

14 years is a very long time, and i miss you and love you so much more each day.

There is never a day that passes that i wish you was still alive, with us now.. watching us all grow up and even see your

First Great-Granddaughter... Summer-Violet..

etc.

I wished for many times after you had gone to find a way to bring you back, rid you of your cancer and make you well again.. but unfortunatly i am not able to that, and i so wish i could!

So, for now, i have to sit here and try to think of things as they were, and wonder what it is like in heaven..

Hope your meet me on the other side Nan,

Love Always, 

Samantha xxx

Rest In Peace

Nanny Lee

(22.06.1941 to 06.03.1996)

These images are the ones that i had created with PaintShop Pro over the last couple of years..

Love You Nan xx