Today I am HAPPY & PROUD to {FINALLY} announce that my Sister whom is 23 is pregnant with her first baby!!
Today (19th July 2012) she found out she is exactly 12 weeks, baby is perfect and healthy and I get to see pictures when she isn't working.. I am so happy & excited, I get to be an Aunty!!!
My sister is due 27th January 2013 which means that 2013 will start off amazing with my sister having a baby!!
I cannot wait to see the scan's of my Niece/Nephew
*cries*
Thursday, July 19
Sunday, July 8
What A Week..
I had an hospital appointment on the Tuesday (3rd July) because I had an abnormal smear result come back end of May..
Being in the Gyny block which is now where the Mother & Baby Block is, felt so uncomfortable.. Especially since they've now moved the EPU (Early Pregnancy Unit) which is where I spent a lot of my time when I had my Ectopic.
Seeing all the ladies with beautiful bumps, big and small made me feel empty and sad.. I couldn't help but think:
When is it MY turn..??
I wonder if I looked liked that..??
If Billie was in the right place, would I have a nice bump..??
It kind of bought so many memories of sitting patiently waiting for my scan, and then waiting to see a doctor about the scans, and then seeing all these happy people come out from the scanning room with their images of their babies... It was just very overwhelming.
Even through the Colposcopy I had to check my cervix was heart breaking.. Very scary I had to go in by myself.. Came out of it sore and miserable.. And also came out with an appointment to go back to have a pre-op and to be put under a general anaesthetic because I couldn't have the treatment done that day.
I went away feeling weird, worried and confused.. Had some lunch with my brother but I wasn't in the right frame of mind for anything so I was pretty quiet..
Had a phone call Wednesday to be told that they want me to go in Thursday.. So I agreed.. Without even thinking about it.
I still feel a little guilty as I promised my friend I would babysit my Godson whilst she took her daughter to meet her new class when she goes to school in September.. And I am little upset because I haven't even heard from her.. Nor have I seen her in almost 2 months now.
I had the general anaesthetic anyway, took them about 4-5 hours before I went down, I got there at 7:30am and I went down around 11:30am to 12pm.. It was frustrating waiting.. But I did it..
The only thing that hurt me, was that day one of the Anaesthetic doctors was going through my notes in front of me, and at the back of my notes were these scans from my ectopic.. And my heart broke.. It shocked me a little and I upset my mum because I got upset as I saw my scans! That was a weird feeling, it was that bad that I ended up drifting off into my own little world slightly before coming back to 'reality'.
Not to mention, seeing the images of my Cervix that was taken 2 days before during the Colposcopy..
Before I went down I was in a little state of panic for a little while.. The nurse was really nice and the Aneathetist was HOT!!! I was so embarrassed that I started crying before they put me to sleep.. I remember the feeling of the tears falling down my face, and the gentle sound of the Aneathetist saying to me "Good Night, Sweet Dreamings".
During the procedure, I lost 500ml of blood (some how) and woke up to a 'block' and a catheter shoved inside me.. Which was very worrying.. I remember waking up and saying I need a wee.. And being told to not worry because I had a catheter - CONFUSED!!!
But thinking about it now, I think they did that because they didn't want me to get my 'block' wet, as I think the block they put in place was to help bring my vagina back down to normal size slowly and help ease the pain a little??
But when it came to having that block removed was very worrying.. It felt like something was being sucked out of me =O
I am ok now, it hurts in places and at stages.. But I have pain killers to take when I feel I need them, and I have taken 2 paracetamol today and thats it, considering I didn't take anything yesterday that is..
All thats left for me to do now is to wait and see what my results bring in about 3-4 weeks time.
Being in the Gyny block which is now where the Mother & Baby Block is, felt so uncomfortable.. Especially since they've now moved the EPU (Early Pregnancy Unit) which is where I spent a lot of my time when I had my Ectopic.
Seeing all the ladies with beautiful bumps, big and small made me feel empty and sad.. I couldn't help but think:
When is it MY turn..??
I wonder if I looked liked that..??
If Billie was in the right place, would I have a nice bump..??
It kind of bought so many memories of sitting patiently waiting for my scan, and then waiting to see a doctor about the scans, and then seeing all these happy people come out from the scanning room with their images of their babies... It was just very overwhelming.
Even through the Colposcopy I had to check my cervix was heart breaking.. Very scary I had to go in by myself.. Came out of it sore and miserable.. And also came out with an appointment to go back to have a pre-op and to be put under a general anaesthetic because I couldn't have the treatment done that day.
I went away feeling weird, worried and confused.. Had some lunch with my brother but I wasn't in the right frame of mind for anything so I was pretty quiet..
Had a phone call Wednesday to be told that they want me to go in Thursday.. So I agreed.. Without even thinking about it.
I still feel a little guilty as I promised my friend I would babysit my Godson whilst she took her daughter to meet her new class when she goes to school in September.. And I am little upset because I haven't even heard from her.. Nor have I seen her in almost 2 months now.
I had the general anaesthetic anyway, took them about 4-5 hours before I went down, I got there at 7:30am and I went down around 11:30am to 12pm.. It was frustrating waiting.. But I did it..
The only thing that hurt me, was that day one of the Anaesthetic doctors was going through my notes in front of me, and at the back of my notes were these scans from my ectopic.. And my heart broke.. It shocked me a little and I upset my mum because I got upset as I saw my scans! That was a weird feeling, it was that bad that I ended up drifting off into my own little world slightly before coming back to 'reality'.
Not to mention, seeing the images of my Cervix that was taken 2 days before during the Colposcopy..
Before I went down I was in a little state of panic for a little while.. The nurse was really nice and the Aneathetist was HOT!!! I was so embarrassed that I started crying before they put me to sleep.. I remember the feeling of the tears falling down my face, and the gentle sound of the Aneathetist saying to me "Good Night, Sweet Dreamings".
During the procedure, I lost 500ml of blood (some how) and woke up to a 'block' and a catheter shoved inside me.. Which was very worrying.. I remember waking up and saying I need a wee.. And being told to not worry because I had a catheter - CONFUSED!!!
But thinking about it now, I think they did that because they didn't want me to get my 'block' wet, as I think the block they put in place was to help bring my vagina back down to normal size slowly and help ease the pain a little??
But when it came to having that block removed was very worrying.. It felt like something was being sucked out of me =O
I am ok now, it hurts in places and at stages.. But I have pain killers to take when I feel I need them, and I have taken 2 paracetamol today and thats it, considering I didn't take anything yesterday that is..
All thats left for me to do now is to wait and see what my results bring in about 3-4 weeks time.
Saturday, June 30
How Annoying..
I am getting annoyed with people..
Everytime I come back to check my blog as I feel like writing, I have to report various comment's as SPAM because plebs keep leaving silly comments that have nothing to do with my blog itself..
Why do people feel the need to do that.. No one is going to be interested in their crappy site where the people whom go to look to see what they're talking about then get bombarded with pop-up's or maybe even virus'
Everytime I come back to check my blog as I feel like writing, I have to report various comment's as SPAM because plebs keep leaving silly comments that have nothing to do with my blog itself..
Why do people feel the need to do that.. No one is going to be interested in their crappy site where the people whom go to look to see what they're talking about then get bombarded with pop-up's or maybe even virus'
Monday, June 18
I am a happy little bunny today..
Today, I finally worked out HOW to install Paint Shop Pro on Linux - Ubuntu.
I set up a little blog page about it and how I installed Paint Shop Pro 8 for other people on Linux whom are also struggling with not having the program available on Linux.
The downside is that I have been working in Paintshop Pro X2.. Which means ALL the stuff I have done before will no longer work :(
But at least NOW anything I do in the future can be saved properly on PSP 8.
ALSO, I now have Antenna, a website designing software on my laptop so I can get back into doing that and design a website that I have been working on for a little while..
Its nice to feel a little good about myself, even though I have a lot on my mind at the moment..
Be glad when there is more sun available, as the last few weeks have been awful with winds and rain.. No fun. Plus, the weather has killed some of the seeds that have been sown..
Seems the only thing that's able to grow is Weeds & Potatoes..
Still.. Better than nothing.
I set up a little blog page about it and how I installed Paint Shop Pro 8 for other people on Linux whom are also struggling with not having the program available on Linux.
The downside is that I have been working in Paintshop Pro X2.. Which means ALL the stuff I have done before will no longer work :(
But at least NOW anything I do in the future can be saved properly on PSP 8.
ALSO, I now have Antenna, a website designing software on my laptop so I can get back into doing that and design a website that I have been working on for a little while..
Its nice to feel a little good about myself, even though I have a lot on my mind at the moment..
Be glad when there is more sun available, as the last few weeks have been awful with winds and rain.. No fun. Plus, the weather has killed some of the seeds that have been sown..
Seems the only thing that's able to grow is Weeds & Potatoes..
Still.. Better than nothing.
Tuesday, June 12
My blog..
I have been on my overview of all my blogs today, and I noticed that one of my blogs, Life After My Ectopic Pregnancy has reached over 10,000 view's in the 2 years I've been running it.
This blog, Miss-Sammii has been running for a little while longer, and I've only just hit the 8,000 mark..
It's pretty strange to me because I don't really share my blogs with anyone or even have links to these blogs anywhere at the moment..
Before, I used to have links to this blog between various social networking sites or even various free sites that I make up on Webs or Weebly..
For me to see this is a pretty strange feeling, I've never experienced anything like this before, normally I feel my websites/blogs etc. go unnoticed and it now seems they really don't.
It would be nicer if I knew how many people came back, but I guess that's something I will have to live with.
I think now that I have seen just how many people look at my various blogs a day I should add more to them and make it more active. So this is now going to be my plan from now on.
The blog I have been talking about is here:
http://myectopicpregnancy.blogspot.co.uk
This blog, Miss-Sammii has been running for a little while longer, and I've only just hit the 8,000 mark..
It's pretty strange to me because I don't really share my blogs with anyone or even have links to these blogs anywhere at the moment..
Before, I used to have links to this blog between various social networking sites or even various free sites that I make up on Webs or Weebly..
For me to see this is a pretty strange feeling, I've never experienced anything like this before, normally I feel my websites/blogs etc. go unnoticed and it now seems they really don't.
It would be nicer if I knew how many people came back, but I guess that's something I will have to live with.
I think now that I have seen just how many people look at my various blogs a day I should add more to them and make it more active. So this is now going to be my plan from now on.
The blog I have been talking about is here:
http://myectopicpregnancy.blogspot.co.uk
Tuesday, May 22
Feeling Hot.. Hot.. Hot!!
Woah.. What a bloody day!!
I cannot get over how HOT it was out there today, I seriously thought and felt at one point that I was melting! Cannot get over it.. Soo awful
But, one good things came out of it as such, because I attempted to use a lawn mower today =O
It was a little hard work, and it was awkward to use but I did the best I could.. So I was chuffed because at least I tried =)
Afterwards, I took a few pictures of the flowers/weeds growing in the garden.. We planted some vegetables and stuff in the ground a few weeks ago, but because of the amount of rain we've experienced we think they drowned =(
We lost those, but we do have some potted up and ready to plant, which isn't so bad I guess.. But a lot has been drowned, poor little seedlings..
Watched my other half rotovate the ground a little so he could plant some potatoes in the ground which is fun, I even took pictures of that.. They look well cool the way they look like they've been "frozen in time" hehe
Down side is that he hit a baby slow worm =( I picked it up with a bit of a dead daffodil to investigate, and it's tongue was still coming in and out.. So that was a good sign!
Got it wet to try and bring it out of shock and checked a few hours later, and it was gone.. So glad that it's ok though.. Poor lil thing!
It was diddy..
On another note, there seems to be another seagull in the same spot as there was one 2 years ago, so with a bit of luck in a few months time we may see some baby seagulls again - YAY
Been a lovely day, even though I felt was melting..
I cannot get over how HOT it was out there today, I seriously thought and felt at one point that I was melting! Cannot get over it.. Soo awful
But, one good things came out of it as such, because I attempted to use a lawn mower today =O
It was a little hard work, and it was awkward to use but I did the best I could.. So I was chuffed because at least I tried =)
Afterwards, I took a few pictures of the flowers/weeds growing in the garden.. We planted some vegetables and stuff in the ground a few weeks ago, but because of the amount of rain we've experienced we think they drowned =(
We lost those, but we do have some potted up and ready to plant, which isn't so bad I guess.. But a lot has been drowned, poor little seedlings..
Watched my other half rotovate the ground a little so he could plant some potatoes in the ground which is fun, I even took pictures of that.. They look well cool the way they look like they've been "frozen in time" hehe
Down side is that he hit a baby slow worm =( I picked it up with a bit of a dead daffodil to investigate, and it's tongue was still coming in and out.. So that was a good sign!
Got it wet to try and bring it out of shock and checked a few hours later, and it was gone.. So glad that it's ok though.. Poor lil thing!
It was diddy..
On another note, there seems to be another seagull in the same spot as there was one 2 years ago, so with a bit of luck in a few months time we may see some baby seagulls again - YAY
Been a lovely day, even though I felt was melting..
Monday 21st May
Yesterday I met my mum in town, so we could do a little shopping for my late birthday present =)
I used some money from my other half to buy myself a nice new dress and a pair of new sunglasses as mine got broken =(
They're well cool, they've got butterflies on =)
I got a new dress, 2 new tops and 2 new pairs of leggings.. ALL in my favorite colour: BLUE!!!
Sooo chuffed with them all, they will all go with each other!
woopwoop
I had a lovely time, the only thing that spoilt it was my trip up the doctors ;)
Because now I am 25 I've had to have my Cervical Screening Test done.. BOOHOO!! It wasn't as bad as I thought especially as I knew what to expect with the speculum as I had one used when I had the ectopic 2 years ago. I didn't know what to expect really from having this done as I've never had it and no one has ever spoke to me about it and no one gave me a proper explination!
If anyone is due to have one, I would advise going.. There is nothing to be afraid of, I know, because I did it.. Didn't think I would, but I did =)
I then went back to a couple of shops and spent a little bit more money, and then we went into the pub in the town called Hatters.. Where we had a drink and a natter, whilst I was coughing to death from my cold, and sneezing and blowing my nose - soo embarrassing!!
But it was nice to see my brother for a little while.. Even though he was supposed to give me something for my birthday.. I now have to wait till next week! Ruined my chances of getting 2 pitchers for £10 in Hatters!
Even so, I had a good evening..
Chilled out with my cat and other half watching a bit of telly.. Watched the last episode of the season for Two and A Half Men.. Had to wipe back a tear, but I am soooo glad they're back in the Autumn (Fall) with their new season.. Season 10 I do believe
*** YAAAY ***
I used some money from my other half to buy myself a nice new dress and a pair of new sunglasses as mine got broken =(
They're well cool, they've got butterflies on =)
I got a new dress, 2 new tops and 2 new pairs of leggings.. ALL in my favorite colour: BLUE!!!
Sooo chuffed with them all, they will all go with each other!
woopwoop
I had a lovely time, the only thing that spoilt it was my trip up the doctors ;)
Because now I am 25 I've had to have my Cervical Screening Test done.. BOOHOO!! It wasn't as bad as I thought especially as I knew what to expect with the speculum as I had one used when I had the ectopic 2 years ago. I didn't know what to expect really from having this done as I've never had it and no one has ever spoke to me about it and no one gave me a proper explination!
If anyone is due to have one, I would advise going.. There is nothing to be afraid of, I know, because I did it.. Didn't think I would, but I did =)
I then went back to a couple of shops and spent a little bit more money, and then we went into the pub in the town called Hatters.. Where we had a drink and a natter, whilst I was coughing to death from my cold, and sneezing and blowing my nose - soo embarrassing!!
But it was nice to see my brother for a little while.. Even though he was supposed to give me something for my birthday.. I now have to wait till next week! Ruined my chances of getting 2 pitchers for £10 in Hatters!
Even so, I had a good evening..
Chilled out with my cat and other half watching a bit of telly.. Watched the last episode of the season for Two and A Half Men.. Had to wipe back a tear, but I am soooo glad they're back in the Autumn (Fall) with their new season.. Season 10 I do believe
*** YAAAY ***
Monday, May 21
Rest In Peace x
Tonight, I've learnt that Robin Gibb from The BeeGee's has passed away, from Liver and Colon Cancer.. I've kind of been following his story on the internet news sites reading about it.
Donna Summer, also passed away just 3 days ago, also from Lung Cancer..
Here are a couple of my favourite BeeGee's songs..:
You Win Again:
Celine Dion Feat. Bee Gees - Immortality
I don't know much Donna Summer music, except for this one:
Hot Stuff
Rest In Peace Robin & Donna
<3
Donna Summer, also passed away just 3 days ago, also from Lung Cancer..
Here are a couple of my favourite BeeGee's songs..:
You Win Again:
Celine Dion Feat. Bee Gees - Immortality
I don't know much Donna Summer music, except for this one:
Hot Stuff
Rest In Peace Robin & Donna
<3
Sunday, May 20
My Mum & Sister Are Fundraising For Cancer Research UK
My mum & sister are doing race for life this year, she did not do it last year.. But did it 2010
I was going to do it too, but I changed my mind because I don't think I'd be able to do it as I have problems with my knees and I find it hard walking sometimes!
May have to do it next year if my mum & sister do it again next year
Sara Osman is fundraising for Cancer Research UK
Good Luck
<3
I was going to do it too, but I changed my mind because I don't think I'd be able to do it as I have problems with my knees and I find it hard walking sometimes!
May have to do it next year if my mum & sister do it again next year
Sara Osman is fundraising for Cancer Research UK
Good Luck
<3
Changes = Bad
Well, After not being around properly in almost a year, I've noticed there have been a lot of changes and I am not sure I like it..
But I guess I need to get back into blog writing again before I can truly decide if I like it or not.
Strange how everything's changed drastically over a few months!!
Not sure WHY everyone tries to "fix" things when they're not exactly broken :\
But I guess I need to get back into blog writing again before I can truly decide if I like it or not.
Strange how everything's changed drastically over a few months!!
Not sure WHY everyone tries to "fix" things when they're not exactly broken :\
Oops.. It's been a while... Again!!
I cannot believe that I haven't written to my blog, again for a while!
Really need to try and keep up to date with this!!
Not a lot has happened thought lately, but I have got back into making graphics, again which is kinda cool..
Also, I've become a GodMother to my best friend's baby boy :)
It's pretty amazing..
Really need to try and keep up to date with this!!
Not a lot has happened thought lately, but I have got back into making graphics, again which is kinda cool..
Also, I've become a GodMother to my best friend's baby boy :)
It's pretty amazing..
Saturday, August 6
Thunderrr
This is a clip i made in the garden when we had a massive thunder storm in June 2011.
I was so scared, i do not know or understand how i managed to go out into the garden to film this, but i did!
Check it out...
Empire Of The Sun - Walking On A Dream
I am currently addicted to this song, I have it playing in my Spotify play list as i type!!
I am going to need to get it and put it on my phone/Ipod!!
Saturday, May 14
Happy 24th Birthday To Meee....
And what a day i had!!!!
My birthday was actually yesterday - friday 13th may, but i was so busy yesterday that i never got to post anything. Plus by the time i got home, i was kinda drunk! hehe
At my mums pub, i drank a whole bottle of some shot stuff called Cola Cubes with coke, with my sister including about 10 shots..!! holy crap..! lol i am writing this with a slight headache but i have in fact just had packet of crisps and took some ibuprofen, just waiting it to start easing off a bit.
I spent the day with mum and my sister.. and then evening at mums pub with my sister and mum and brother :) then my mums partner came along bit later..
I got few cards from friends :) and family, just waiting to hear about seeing my dad...
Got some really nice stuff, including mum paying for me to have my tattoo done!! woop woop
Gonna chill out now for the day as im knackered from the night before, and supposed to be going out tonight too!! gonna be fun fun fun! :)
My birthday was actually yesterday - friday 13th may, but i was so busy yesterday that i never got to post anything. Plus by the time i got home, i was kinda drunk! hehe
At my mums pub, i drank a whole bottle of some shot stuff called Cola Cubes with coke, with my sister including about 10 shots..!! holy crap..! lol i am writing this with a slight headache but i have in fact just had packet of crisps and took some ibuprofen, just waiting it to start easing off a bit.
I spent the day with mum and my sister.. and then evening at mums pub with my sister and mum and brother :) then my mums partner came along bit later..
I got few cards from friends :) and family, just waiting to hear about seeing my dad...
Got some really nice stuff, including mum paying for me to have my tattoo done!! woop woop
Gonna chill out now for the day as im knackered from the night before, and supposed to be going out tonight too!! gonna be fun fun fun! :)
Sunday, May 8
I have a question...
Am I Mental For Wanting To Vent My Anger And Feelings And Thoughts On To Paper, Well Notebooks???
As you may know, I have Borderline Personality Disorder or at least some kind of Personality Disorder, Depression, Anxiety problems and slight Agoraphobia..
And I myself struggle talking and expressing my feelings "normally" but i feel that me writing helps myself without others knowing exactly what has been written..
I am in a bad place right now, I am going through a masses amount of problems and stress, and i cant cope with everything right now, and i felt at the time it was easier for me to write out on paper exactly how i am feeling.
But now, i am being told im mental and not normal for wanting to keep notebooks of stuff i write, i never re read anything i just write it and close the book and go back and write some more then close it etc. i have never re readen anything i wrote.
Apart from once, when i went through some old notepad files on the pc and i read some poems i had written years ago and it broke my heart, i guess i never really knew or understood exactly how i was feeling myself, and seeing that the feels have hardly changed was just awful.
I should really sort out my problems, but i have no patience for meds to work again, and really considering putting myself into a mental hospital or something just to keep me safe,
But if i did this, who is to say i can take the things that really mean to me like my cat for starters i couldnt leave him he needs me around, and loves my company!
no one texts me much anymore so hardly anyone is going to miss my texts/calls... i just really dont know what else i can do now, and after all the words that have been said, i just dont think its fair..
I was reminded of how this girl, has a life, has her baby etc. etc. etc. it just killed me.
I know it is nothing to do with you whom read this but i needed to get that off my chest! so i am sorry, but i am allowed to have feelings, arent i??
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